Untitled Poem

My Rainbow

My rainbow begins and ends with blue.
But beneath my surface I can be green.
Green with envy of my other colors.
Like Yellow.
Sometimes I shine so bright.
But be careful because I burn.
I burn like a red fire.
It's hot in my soul.
My blues soothe others.
A reflection of my soul.
My rain comes with a bow.
It's a gift.

Untitled Poem by guest poet Chiquita Hyche

I’m broken n i don’t know how to heal myself.

I cry to myself every night.

Like i really want the pain to go away but i know I’m hurting for a reason .

When will it stop tho.

I have learned so much from this pain but y is it still hurting so much .

The older i get the deeper the wound gets.

What am i doing wrong.

I just want it to go away.

Rejection has become apart of me n the feeling is indescribable.

I feel like I’m not wanted.

My daddy put a spell on me.

Every nigga i meet reminds me of him.

They want me then they leave me.

Like i don’t know how much of this i wanna take.

I’m looking for love in all the wrong places but i don’t know how the right places look.

I’m using so many outlets to numb the pain but it just won’t go away.

I just want it to go away.

Even if it doesn’t go away give me something that’s worth going through the pain.

Right now i just don’t know.

But its Gods plan right??

Chiquita Hyche is a good friend, poet, and nail tech.

Untitled poem by Chiquita Hyche

You say it's selfish of me to take my own life
Well I think it's selfish of you to want me in pain
I don't think you really understand how bad I just want the pain to go away
I'm tired of feeling like this
Every time I close my eyes
I relive every moment that put me in pain in the first place
My mind be playing these games with me
It's telling me to leave
It's telling me to stay
But if I stay the pain won't go away
I often question myself--What's the purpose?
Why am I here?
Am I here to endure more pain?
I keep battling with these demons that I just want to get away from
I pray
I cry
I pray
I cry
The drinking only makes me forget my pain momentarily
I really don't know if things are getting better
or am I just use to it
I just want it to go away
Why me???
I mean it is...
but hey who else is living my life?
Me...
but these are just my thoughts from a broken soul

Chiquita Hyche is a poet, nail tech, and a long time friend. Follow her on Instagram @naildbyjuicy

"GOD, LOVE, SEX, AND DRUGS" A poem written by guest poet Tonisha N.

I wanna lay up in between sheets

I wanna smoke this pain away

I’m hurting inside

And I feel as if I’m just fading away

No one understands how it feels

Doctors only know how to prescribe pills

And not how to actually heal

So you find other ways to heal

Smoking weed

Drinking vodka

Misusing pills

Sleeping with a man

To feel as if you’re still in control

But it starts talking a toll

Next thing you know

You’re no longer bitter

Now you’re mad as hell

And no one can tell you how you got here

They say talk to god but he was never there

No one wants to die they just want the pain to be still

God

Love

Sex

And

Drugs

Heal my pain so I won’t hurt anymore...

Tonisha N. is a writer and poet.

Untitled Poem by guest poet Chiquita Hyche

I love you but I hate you

Sounds real cliché but it’s true

I try to stay away from you but it’s

Something about you that’s drawing me closer

We on two different pages but I’m trying to slow

Down so you can catch up

But time keeps passing

And I keep wondering

Will I ever have you…

Will I ever have those things that I wish for in you

It’s like I’m trying to make something a reality but its remaining a dream

I know you got your heart broke

Once and you keep trying to rewind time and go back

But I want you to move on

I want you to know that it’s more in life than heartbreak n unhappiness

I’m trying to give you something I never had

But I’m getting pushed away

I’ve given up on so much but

I won’t give up on you

I love you because I see the good in you

I see you trying

I see you being the perfect guy but you’re scared

I have so much high hopes for you

You deserve better but you stuck

I see you being the man you want to be

But do you see it

I love you but I hate you

I hate you because you me in a place where I don’t know what’s next

I don’t know if I should continue to love you

Or give up on you

I’m confused because the words you say suppress my feelings but your actions

Tend to hurt them

I hate you because I feel like you leading me on

N I’m continuing to follow

I hate you because I fell in love with you

I wasn’t trying to but it happened

So it’s me who gotta deal with it

Whatever comes next I’m willing to deal with it

I love you

But I hate you

I just hope at that end

It don’t hurt so much

Chiquita Hyche is a dear friend, poet,
and nail tech.
Follow her:
@chiquita

FORGIVE ME--by guest poet Tonisha N.

Locked windows

Closed doors

Painful thorns poking at my flesh

Who knew that a rose could thrive in the cold

Night skies

Reminiscing on the good times

Life laughs

Life dies

Life has so many unknown whys

Cries

Tears filling up my soul

But failing to fall out of my eyes

I can’t cry

It’s as if the devil himself is begging me to take this joyride

Through gratification

And wicked sins

To bring out the pain that I feel within

No one told me that it would easy

But they did say it would be worth it

Now I’m trying to figure out why the fuck this shit ain’t perfect

And where did I go wrong because shit hasn’t been right in long

Now I’m sitting here pretending

Talking others out of suicide while I’m the one needing the intervention

Ain’t that shit wicked

You’re saving them while your foot is on the ledge

With your heart beating fast

And your soul in cast

You’re battling demons that no one can seem to grasp

Lurking in the shadows

For you to give your last

And snatch you away fast

So I wait

And I listen

Hoping they’ll give me the answers to what it is that I’m feeling

Maybe I’m dreaming

But I see no reason in living

And maybe ending it all would make shit much simpler

Just forgive me when my eyes close and my light fades away

Your darkness will turn to day

So forgive me

But I couldn’t stay. . .

Dear Openly Broken

A Poem by Guest Blogger
Chiquita

Dear broken heart .. I know you hurt and i know u tired of me taking you through the same ol shit. I’m not going to lie tho I’m sorry but I’m not sorry. I actually thought this was gone be some real shit but i guess you saying same shit just a different nigga.. I hope you understand what I’m about to say to you and i hope that u can forgive me. I’m hurting too. No matter how much of me i give it’s like it gives them more reason to love someone else. I mean who am i? Why did i think this would work? Why did i think they would even love me. Why did i wait for them?Why did i give my body to them? Now i feel like i wasted my time and yours. Heart i pulled all the love out of you that u had left. I gave u to somebody that i thought would handle you with care. Now I’m stuck . Stuck on how to heal you again. Stuck on thoughts of how to not do this to you again. I’m sorry and i can’t say it enough. I know you hurting . Like what now? Where do we go from here? You got a lot of scars and i opened up an old wound. I know you tired. Tired of hurt tired of pain tired of giving your all to situations that’s been dead. I wish i could forget everything about them. But i can’t. My heart won’t let me. My mind won’t let me. All i can do is cry n hope the pain will eventually ease away. I did this to you and I’m sorry i truly am. I hope that one day you would forgive me then i can one day forgive myself. Before i go tho. I just wanna tell u something. You love way to hard heart like we suppose to be in this together but you go way harder than me. The way you love the next can u love me?? I think that’s where it starts.. i feel like if you love me first the person who suppose to love u will love you. You loving the wrong person heart. This another heartbreak we gotta get through together and just like any other time we got this. So for now .. to protect the both of us I’m putting that guard back up.

Sincerely..
The person who carries you on her shoulder ..

Chiquita Hyche is a dear friend and poet.
She's also a professional nail technition.
Follow her on Facebook:
@chiquita

Candace

"Broken Clocks" A Poem by Tonisha N.

Broken Clocks

She had her heartbroken long before she was interested in a man
Holding on to the saying “father’s are a girl’s best friend”
But where was he when she needed that influence
Jumping from house to house
And bed to bed
Neglecting to settle down and make a home with a wife and kids
And even when he did she was nowhere apart of his plan
Now she’s all grown up jumping from bed to bed looking for the right man to heal that heartbreak that her father did
Accepting black eyes
And lies
Hoping that one day that man that she’s sleeping beside will become the man that had her up late at night with tears in her eyes
That little girl longing for a father is now a woman
And that woman is struggling to overcome it
How do you trust a man when the one who was supposed to teach you just up and disappeared
Now you’re just living a lie
With a constant why in the back of your head
Was you just not good enough
Or was he just not a man

Untitled Poem by Tonisha #day17 #28daysofselflove

Reddened eyes
Up all night
Baby in one arm
Briefcase in the other
Strolling down the street
“Hey bitch, can I have your number?”
Hold up, pause,
“Is that how you speak to your mother?”
The language that drips from your lips is so vile for this woman of color


It gots to be that black girl magic that keeps us from going under
It’s wicked how we’re rejected and disrespected because of our melanin
Yet, you have those of the lighter persuasion trying to
Walk like us
Talk like us
Look like us
Be like us
But they can’t
See, they can’t relate to this struggle

This chocolate skin
Baby, it wasn’t always in
And this kinky hair
Doused in relaxers and flatirons
Taking care of your kids with nothing but peanut butter in the fridge
Let’s not forget little Amy receiving that position that you’ve earned
Being taught to watch your mouth to persevere that man’s ego
Ergo, I must be little miss submissive in order for him to be attentive

But, sweetheart, listen
Everything has an expiration date
And those days and times are over
Exude that black girl magic that lies within
Snatch those bandages off and let them wounds heal

It’s okay to be soft
It’s alright to reveal
Let go of that hurt
So that you can begin to live
My name is not “bitch, hoe, slut, or ayo ma”
Call me by my name or don’t call me at all!

Tonisha is a poet that will grace this blog frequently.  Her work mirrors the expressions of this blog and I welcome her voice and talent. 

Sun Kissed Shoulders-- A poem by Tonisha N.

Sun Kissed Shoulders

It's something that I must get off of my chest when it comes to the softness of my black sistas.

We have allowed ourselves to become stone.

We have buried our emotions so deep within ourselves that most times we aren't sure if we have any.

We have been indoctrinated to believe that as a black women we feel no pain, but we do.

We feel it our bones every waking moment, we feel it in our heavy eyelids, we feel it in the soles of our feet, wee feel it deep within our spirit!

Yet, we NEVER speak about it.

We never allow our emotions to manifest themselves into tears to cleanse the soul.

Instead, we continue to bury them in liquor bottles, weed blunts, between sheets, and church pews!

We allow ourselves to be silent sufferers then have the audacity to be angry when no one ask "Sis, you okay?"

We faithfully answer with the centuries old rhetoric of "Yeah, girl, just tired."

We say it to convince others but most importantly ourselves.

We say it as if the woman that looks like you, walks like you, speaks like you, and have endured the same struggles as you can't see pass that soulless "Yeah, girl, I'm just tired."

It's like if we allow our emotions to seep through our pores we somehow become vincible.

We are afraid of humanness.

We are afraid to show our weaknesses because at every twist and turn they've been thrown back into our faces.

Still it's a must that we do it because the softness of our souls are in jeopardy.

The sun can't penetrate the essence of who you are if you're afraid of it.

Bask in your humanness, allow the sun to kiss your shoulders so that the magic that you were born with in your bones becomes so powerful that your descendants can be whomever they choose without fear or judgment.

Written by Tonisha N.