Rejection- Why are we so angry?

Rejection- Why are we so angry?

Let’s face it as Black people we deal with a lot of rejection.  It’s no secret, and unless you’ve been living under a rock it is very hard not to hear about or experience race related issues in some form living in America.  And if you live in the South like I do you’ve probably experienced racism on a more direct level and definitely more than once or twice.  Sometimes I truly feel rejected by my own country.  It’s crazy!

Many African Americans have grown up in one parent households—it’s unfortunate that this is kinda becoming the norm.  Many children grow into young men and women that have feelings of rejection that stem from the rejection from the parent that did not stick around.  They may blame themselves and have feelings of worthlessness.  I can count on my fingers and toes the number of women who grow up with a very strong feeling of rejection because their father was not in their life and they take it personally.

Many people underestimate the power of rejection.  Although it is a natural part of life-rejection can have serious effects.  “The word rejection became popular in psychology in 1931, when parental rejection was seen as a motivation of bad behavior in children.”  A 2001 study by the Surgeon General showed that rejection among adolescent promoted violence more so than drugs, poverty, or gang membership.

Among adults rejection can often lead to dysfunctional relationships, abandonment issues, trust issues, as well as violence, suicide, depression and other mental illness.  “Countless studies have demonstrated that even mild rejections lead people to take out their aggression on innocent bystanders.  School shootings, violence against women, and fired workers going ‘postal’ are other examples of the strong link between rejection and aggression.”

Although there are people who turn their feelings of rejection in to outward expressions there are many others who turn inward.  Often time’s people who have difficulty dealing with rejection will become fixated on pleasing others.  They spend countless hours trying to figure out how they receive admiration and praises from others.  This can be very exhausting and will cause a person to have an identity crisis.  They will mold and mend themselves to fit what others want and expect them to be.  “Often this becomes such a dominating goal that they forget what they actually wanted from their own lives.  They are too busy making sure other people isn’t displeased with them.”

Many people who deal with the effects of constant rejection will eventually just give up and stop trying.  Any indication of failure is often perceived as too painful.  Rejection can seem so scary that even “bright, capable people will become slackers and do absolutely nothing with their lives because making any effort is so anxiety-provoking.” 

Effects of Rejection

• Intrusive, debilitating anxiety.
• Chronic feelings of insecurity.
• Chronic depression
• Decreased self-esteen.
• Feelings of loss of control over life
• Self-depreciation.
• Isolation
• Obsessive thinking and intrusive thoughts about the abandonment.

Romantic rejection can lead to fault-finding, belittling of oneself, relationship-sabotage or its counterpart—clinging to a dysfunctional relationship.  However, blaming and attacking your own self-worth “only deepens the emotional pain and makes it harder to recover emotionally.”

Because we are social animals and live and thrive in “tribes” feelings of rejection can often lead to isolation and dysfunction.  “Social rejection increases anger, anxiety, depression, jealousy and sadness.”  People who are routinely rejected or feel excluded can have physical effects as well.  They may experience “poorer sleep quality and their immune systems don’t function as well as those people with strong social connections.”

Rejection can have the same effects as physical pain.  A study conducted showed that people who experience rejection could take Tylenol (a pain reliever) and feel better.  “Studies show that the same areas of the brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain.  This is why rejections hurts so much (neurologically speaking).”

We can re-live and re-experience social pain more vividly than we can physical pain.  If you’ve ever had a broken bone—try reliving that pain.  You may be able to remember it but you can’t actually feel it.  Now try recalling a time when you felt extremely rejected—those thoughts could re trigger the hurt, anger and pain that you felt.

In some cases rejection can be treated. Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is an extreme emotional sensitivity and emotional pain triggered by the perception – not necessarily the reality – that a person has been rejected, teased, or criticized by important people in their life. RSD may also be triggered by a sense of failure, or falling short – failing to meet either their own high standards or others’ expectations.

So what can you do to fight feelings of rejection?

•     Look for positive connections—this could come from family, friends, co-workers, church members, sororities or other social groups.  “Positive social interactions release opiods for a natural mood boost.”  Sometimes it can be very easy to get caught up in wanting to be involved in a certain social circle and when that doesn’t happen it can be very easy to feel rejection and alone.  But then, what about the people that we often overlook.  Nurture those relationships.
•     Exercise- (insert eye roll) I know…I know.  Is exercise the magical answer to everything?  Uhm, possibly. 

Exercise helps prevent and improve a number of health problems, including high blood pressure, diabetes and arthritis. Research on depression, anxiety and exercise shows that the psychological and physical benefits of exercise can also help improve mood and reduce anxiety.

References:

Rejection sets off alarms for folks with low self-Esteem.”Association for Psychological Science, www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/rejection-sets-off-alarms-for-folks-with-low-self-esteem.html.

Monitor on Psychology, American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection.aspx.

“How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.”ADDitude, 14 Dec. 2017, www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-how-to-treat-it-alongside-adhd/.

“Rejection - Dictionary Definition.”Vocabulary.com, www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/rejection.

“Rejection sets off alarms for folks with low self-Esteem.”Association for Psychological Science, www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/rejection-sets-off-alarms-for-folks-with-low-self-esteem.html.

Monitor on Psychology, American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection.aspx.

“How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.”ADDitude, 14 Dec. 2017, www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-how-to-treat-it-alongside-adhd/.

“Rejection - Dictionary Definition.”Vocabulary.com, www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/rejection.

Monitor on Psychology, American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection.aspx.

“How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.”ADDitude, 14 Dec. 2017, www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-how-to-treat-it-alongside-adhd/.

“Rejection - Dictionary Definition.”Vocabulary.com, www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/rejection.

Monitor on Psychology, American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection.aspx.

“How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.”ADDitude, 14 Dec. 2017, www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-how-to-treat-it-alongside-adhd/.

“Rejection - Dictionary Definition.”Vocabulary.com, www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/rejection.

Morning Inspirational Walk! "Stop Trying to Please People"

Come Walk With Me!

Stop trying to please people! Stop trying to make people love you!  It's exhausting.  I had to stop and take a moment and recognize just how much my life was centered around censoring myself and tailoring myself to fit into everyone else's mold.

The love, recognition, the likes, the hearts, the approval, the appreciation that we seek from others will NEVER be enough! Whatever we do in this life we have to do it for God and for ourselves.  The attention we seek from others will NEVER be enough to satisfy us! If you're doing anything for the sole purpose of getting accolades please stop!  The praise will never be enough.

I've found that when I do things for the right reasons I am completely satisfied.  I'm not checking for responses or returned favors.  However when I've done something just to say I've done it or so that someone can owe me something I am always disappointed.  Especially when they don't return the favor or return it in the time that I wish it was returned.

Stay focused on doing what God has made you to do!  He will always make provision!

Find Your Happy Place/Mental Injuries

Find Your Happy Place...And Linger!

I've recently realized how much time I've spent in the past focusing on the negative things.  It's either I'm anticipating something bad, or experiencing something bad or reflecting on something bad.  It feels like a never-ending negative cloud is constantly hovering over me threatening me with heavy rain and showers.  

Today, I realized that I do have rare moments of pure happiness and the reasons for my happiness are not at all tied to money, material possessions or other people--they come solely from gratitude.  I've decided that I don't spend entirely enough time in these moments and they are often too far in between.

But today I gave myself permission to really enjoy it.  I wanted to relish in it and for the moment to linger as long as possible.  Of course, I recognize that the weather eventually changes (it was nice and warm and sunny the other day--today it's wet, dark and dreary) but that's life.

I just want to enjoy the sunny days to the fullest and not let the threat of rain eclipse my moment to enjoy the shine!

Mental Injuries

It's so important that we seek help after experiencing trauma of all kinds!  You will be suprised at what can alter your state of mind.  If you've ever been in an abusive relationship--you should seek counseling.  If you've lost a close friend or family member--you should seek counseling.  If you've had to move abruptly for whatever reason--you should talk to someone (with a level head and common sense) or yes, seek counseling.  

As African-Americans we've been in survival mode for so long--only focusing on working and paying bills and making sure food is on the table, and lights are on, and transportation, and the very basics of caring for ourselves.  In the past it was very easy to brush a lot of issues under the rub because we had bigger things to worry about.  

Well, now we have time.  We now have to go back and start addressing some issues that we left unattended.  So many children (girls and boys) have been sexually abused by family, friends of family, boyfriends, step-fathers, pastors, or people that were suppose to be a protector---and these things have never been addressed!

If I break my arm I don't just go on with life.  I go to the doctor and my arm is examined and I'm given an x-ray to determine the location of the break and then someone comes and bandages my arm up so that it can set right and I can have full function of my arm in the future,

The same should be done for the mental injuries that occur in our lives.  When we are hurt or traumatized we must see someone so that we can heal properly and be at 100% functionality in the future,

Mental Health is just as important as Physical Health!

Suffering in Silence--Mental Health and the Black Man

Every African American man living in the United States of America could benefit from mental health counseling.  According to mentalhealthamerica.net "Despite progress made over the years, racism continues to have an impact on the mental health of Black/African Americans.  Negative stereotypes and attitudes of rejection have decreased, but continue to occur with measurable, adverse consequences."

Historical and contemporary instances of negative treatment have led to a mistrust of authorities, many of whom are not seen as having the best interests of Black/African Americans in mind."  When it comes to mental health it really doesn't matter how much money you have in the bank, nor does it matter how much weights you lift at the gym.  It has nothing to really do with your physical build, your hair, clothes, or even education.

Unfortunately for many African American men, expressing their feelings is something that is frowned upon or thought of as a weakness. Studies show," Adult Black/African Americans are more likely to have feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and worthlessness than are adult white."  I don't know how many times I've heard mothers and fathers calling their sons sissy's and punk's because they were caught crying.  Men are taught to never show emotion because it is a sign of weakness.

This type of thinking has put a lot of Black men at a disadvantage.  Many are suffering is silence. Reports state, "Black/African Americans hold beliefs related to stigma, psychological openness, and help-seeking, which in turn affects their coping behaviors."
They are ashamed of expressing the suicidal thoughts that plague their minds regularly.

"Black African American teenagers are morel likely to attempt suicide than are white teenagers."   Many African American men use drugs and alcohol as a way of self-medicating.  "Black/African Americans also account for 37 percent of drug arrests, but only 14 percent of regular drug users--illicit drug use is frequently associated with self-medication among people with mental illnesses."

If you are an African American male living in the United States of America then you need counseling.  As a community and as a whole we all need to be made aware of the affects of mental illness and we all need to make sure that we strive to live healthy---mentally.

Candace L. Smith

References:

Black & African American Communities and Mental Health. (2017, April 03). Retrieved November 29, 2017, from http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/african-american-mental-health

What is Depression? Part II- Responses

Responses from last Thursday's Live Instagram Therapeutic Session

Last Thursday's Live Therapeutic Session was epic.  I invite everyone that reads this post to join me on my Openly Broken Instagram page this and every Thursday for a live therapeutic session.  It was such a blessing to me and based on the responses I know that it was a blessing to everyone that participated as well.  I want to personally thank all of those who shared of their knowledge and their pain.  The topic of Depression, Mental Illness and how it effects the African American woman and the African American community is a much needed conversation today.

I would like to share with you some of the amazing responses and comments I received during the last session.  The topic was "What is Depression" and to narrow it down a little we discussed how it looks in the African American woman.  I'm so grateful and thankful to all of the counselors that joined the conversation to give some knowledgeable answers.  Please visit the supporters page to check out the counselors that joined the session.

"We all need someone to be there for us"

@tanya_kylie

I reached out to a lot of women that joined my page, hoping that they would be willing to share, what I definitely know to be some of the most intimate thoughts and feelings ever.  The response was overwhelming.  These ladies really opened up and became vulnerable for the sake of each other.  It was beautiful. 

"Invest in your health"

Ladonna N. Butler

Counselor

As African American women it is sometimes very difficult to find the time and money or the value in investing in our mental health.  For so long I did not even recognize a need for this type of self-care.  It wasn't until I was virtually unrecognizable to myself that I began to see a therapist.  That moment changed my entire life.  I firmly believe that if you are African American you need counseling (period)!  We go through so much, much more than a lot of other races, especially living in America.  Many of our communities are riddled with violence and drugs.  Not to mention the never ending drama we are exposed to and sometimes involved in.  These things along with life's ups and downs and unexpected turns it can be challenging knowing how to navigate through all of that and maintain healthy relationships with ourselves and others.  

"It's so easy to pass our stress to others without realizing it"

@tanya_kylie

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and they were venting to you and then afterwards you recognize that you have this anxious feeling?  Have you ever noticed that you may have been a little "snappy" with the next person you came in contact with?  I've noticed that a lot lately.  I don't think I knew to look for it at first but one day I realized that after I got through talking to someone about a heated situation I ended up arguing with someone very close to me.  I later wondered if I hadn't had that earlier conversation would I have gotten into an argument later.  I honestly don't know but what I've learned to do is this: pray. Whenever I've been exposed to a negative emotion and I realize that it's affecting me, I pray and ask God for peace.  Especially during this time in my life where I find myself vulnerable and exposed it is so important to stay protected.

I believe African American women have a great deal of unspoken pressure on us that further exacerbates feelings of sadness.  There are great expectations posed on us both internally and externally.  

Essence of Life Counseling

"We often lack self awareness...and insight."

Essence of Life Counseling

"Sometimes we don't allow ourselves to feel all of our emotions. #superwomansyndrone"

Ladonna Butler

"We constantly carry that weight on our shoulders and we are ridiculed when we even think about putting it down."

Shaquania Walker

I almost fell out of my seat when I read this comment from my personal spiritual counselor Shaqaunia Walker.  That weight.  What is that weight that we are always carrying?  Is it the weight of being perfect all the time?  Is it that weight of making sure that everyone else's need is taking care of all the time?  Is it that weight of being "super woman"?  This is a topic we will have to dedicate the full hour to one day very soon.  

"But we need to be aware of our kryptonite...lack of self care, microaggressions, unhealthy relationships, etc.."

LaDonna Butler

"Do a self exam every morning and every night.  Set a time to focus on who you are aside from the roles you have."

Essence of Life Counseling

One of the last things we talked about last Thursday was "self-care".  I suggested journaling.  Writing is a big passion for me.  It comes very easy to me so of course I find myself writing during the worse moments of my life.  It is a great release and I also get to go back an examine my personal thoughts.  Journaling also gives you the opportunity to be very honest.  You can write exactly how you feel without the fear of letting anyone else down or feeling guilty.  In my journal I can truly be myself.  I encourage you to try it.  

"Remember Queens need rest too."

LaDonna Butler

"Telling others and ourselves that we're fine is a defense mechanism...It also displays a lack of trust and constant displays of being let down.  We can't/won't open up to anyone.  Especially me."

One of the guest speakers @princess_empowerment stated that, "we don't protect our emotions."  And I had to agree with her.  For so long I did not protect my emotions nor did I attempt to protect my mental state and because of that I allowed so many unhealthy things into my personal space.  When we allow that, it changes us.  She went on to say that, " we suppress our feelings and trauma and (just) keep going."  It's a cycle of brokenness.  And in this cycle you can't "support yourself, your children or your family."

Mental Illness and the African American Man

I am so excited about the feedback I'm recieving from so many men!  They have a lot of interesting thoughts when it comes to mental illness.  They have a lot to say.  Are we ready to listen?

Stay tuned for more details on this upcoming post and discussion.

Candace

What is Depression? An Introduction to how Depression directly relates to African American women

Depression is a mental illness that's very prevalent in the African American community.  Do you know what depression is and what it looks like in our community?  It's more than just having a bad day.  It's more than a sad feeling.  It is a serious illness with major side effects.  

According to psychiatry.org Depression is defined as:

Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act.  Depression causes feeling of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed.  It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease a person's ability to function at work and at home.

There are a few words and phrases that I highlighted in the definition of depression taken from the psychiatry.org website. The first word that jumped out at me was "disorder".  To have a disorder is to be in a state of confusion.  One thing that I noticed while dealing with depression is that a lot of times I would not be able to identify how I was feeling.  I would be okay one minute and then the next minute I would be crying.  One minute I would be okay and then the next minute something would happen and then I would be filled with a feeling or rage. And all of this would be happening and I could not explain to you why.  

Sometimes our mental state can be in so much pain until there is a numbness.  

Have you ever been in a bad accident or experienced a trauma so bad that you couldn't feel anything?  That's an example of what's happening to us mentally sometimes.  Sometimes we experience great traumas in our lives and it is so terrible that we are left numb in our emotions.

According to psychiatry.org depression "negatively affects the way you feel, think, and act."  Because our mental states has so much to do with the way we feel, which changes the way we think and therefore changes the way we act, it is imperative that we take it seriously.  Within the African American community there is hardly any talk of getting help mentally.  We often times will stay on top of regular scheduled check-ups for our physical bodies.  We will also maintain an awesome relationship with God and attend church regularly ensuring that our spiritual self is well, but we often neglect to get check-ups for our mental health.  This is needed just as much, if not more, to ensure that we stay healthy physically and spiritually.  If we are not "okay" or healthy in our minds we cannot stay healthy in our bodies and our spiritual lives.  These things are all connected.  

As African Americans we are often facing great challenges.  Challenges that no other race in America has to face.  As African American women we are often expected to place our self-care on the back burner for the sake of other things and other people-- children, family, friends, spouses, significant others, jobs, achieving success, making money, maintaining our outward appearance--this is not healthy nor is it helping us in the long run. 

According to NAMI.org Depression is defined as:

Depressive disorder, frequently referred to simply as depression, is more than just feeling sad or going through a rough patch.  It's a serious mental health condition that requires understanding and medical care.  Left untreated, depression can be devastating for those who have it and their families.

Now, Nami.org (National Alliance on Mental Illness) states that Depression is "more than just feeling sad".  This is the point I would like to raise using their definition:  There is a huge difference between I'm having a bad day, or I'm just sad today and depression!  Depression changes you!  You are so confused in your emotions on a daily basis that your behavior has drastically changed.  You are not yourself!  You begin to do things that you've never done before.  It's very noticeable if we take the time to really look.  Sometimes friends and family will notice and ask you about it but sometimes because you are so numb you won't recognize it.  You have to really take time to investigate your feelings and unscramble your thoughts.  This is not something you want to do alone.

Think about it, when you break a bone, you don't just go to church.  You don't just pray.  You don't just talk to a friend or go to your mommy.  You go to a professional.  You go to a doctor.  

When we have traumatic experiences we have to go get a check up for our mental wellness.

Nami.org goes on to say that " Depression...left untreated, can be devastating for those who have it and their families. The people around us feel the effects of our mental instability. As African Americans it can be very easy to dismiss this (depression and other mental illness) as something not necessary for life, but I beg to differ.  I state to you that your mental health is just as important as your physical health and your spiritual health. 

 Even our physical health requires check ups and we attend church regularly to ensure that we are in right standing with God.  Our mental health requires regularly scheduled check-ups!  It's mandatory for the African-American. We are not healthy mentally!  We are often the victims of violence, and witness it often within our communities and race. Domestic violence is very prominent in many relationships in the Black community.  

Abuse comes in many forms- physical, verbal, sexual, financial-- and it is also an issue in a lot of our homes.  A lot of African Americans are suffering from PTSD. Our children are suffering tremendously mentally.  They as well should receive regularly scheduled check ups.  Especially if their behavior changes dramatically.  We trust our doctors with their physical bodies, and we should also trust psychiatrist, counselors to ensure that we are healthy mentally.

According to NIMH.org Depression is defined as:

Depression (major depressive disorder or clinical depression) is a common but serious mood disorder.  It causes severe symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and handle daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or working.  

What are mood disorders? 

Mood disorders are a category of illnesses that describe a serious change in mood.  Illness under mood disorders include: major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder (mania-euphoric, hyperactive, over inflated ego, unrealistic optimism), persistent depressive disorder (long lasting low grade depression), cyclothymia (a mild form of bipolar disorder), and SAD (seasonal affective disorder).

Ladies, this is a huge topic for us to discuss.  We are often called "moody."  This is not always due to our menstrual cycle.  Sometimes this can be from a disorder.  And what is a disorder?  A disorder as we've previously discussed, is confusion.  Our moods are confused.  This sometimes causes us to lash out or be extra sad and sensitive.  This is what causes us to cry all the time, or feel tired and uninspired in our lives.  We sometimes go on the "highs" (mania) filled with inspiration and zest and then all of a sudden we experience this sudden drop, its a "low"(euphoric).  During this time we become tired and lazy.  We don't really want to do anything, including the things that we love and normally do.  Some of these things are spending time with family, going out to social events including church.  During these times we often lose jobs, friends, end relationships, switch churches, get behind on bills, drop out of school and just simply give up on commitments made during our mania moments.  And these disorder are very tricky.  Some of theses waves of moods last days, weeks, months and years.  You can go a length of time in a mania stage and then go a different length of time on a low wave.  This is why seeing a therapist or counselor is important.  They can help you find out why you're experiencing the extreme levels of moods.  

Many people may read this article and laugh and say, "it's not that serious" or "I'll just pray" or some may even say, " I have my friends and family as my support system" and to that I say, It is not enough!  It is very serious.  Prayer is great, but it's not enough.  You don't just pray for a broken leg.  You pray and then you go to a doctor for their professional help. The same goes with our mental health.  You are not capable of fixing your own bones when they break.  You rely on a doctor to take x-ray's and interpret the information and then to properly diagnose and treat.  We are going through major life changes and witnessing traumatic events daily and we NEVER get help!   In the African American community there are some of us are walking around on crutches trying to help carry someone else's baggage. As women we are caregivers and its very easy for us to put our emotional needs to the side for our families but we are no help to them when we are unhealthy mentally.  

Some of us have experienced loss in a great way.  Some of us have endured years of mental, emotional and physical abuse.  It is during these times that a counselor or therapist is needed most.  When we are experiencing other major events in our life such as break-ups, fall-outs, financial crisis, any encounter with violence or sexual assault we need to seek help.  Some of our children have been molested for years.  They have no one to talk to that can help them navigate through their emotions, fears, disappointments and everything else that comes with experiencing that kind of pain.   A counselor can help them get through that with as little scarring as possible.  

References:

Mood Disorders. (2015, July 09). Retrieved November 01, 2017, from http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/mood-disorders

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression

“NAMI.”NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness, www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Depression.

"Openly Broken" by Guest Blogger Chiquita Hyche

Openly Broken

written by Chiquita Hyche

This is something that cant be fixed.
I've been beat, battered, and bruised.
Physically, mentally and emotionally.
I'm hurt, I'm torn, I'm a mess.

As I far as life I don’t even know where to start with picking up these broken pieces.
I'm in a place where I cant even feel the pain anymore.
I'm numb to it.

I'm immune to it.
It really ain't no healing for it.
I really thank God above because if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t even be here to feel any of it.
I ask myself often, whats my purpose.
Like really whats my purpose? Outside of family and friends, nobody really loves me..got love for me or wants to love me?
Whats wrong with me?
They just want what was taken from me.

Everybody loves stolen goods.
Its valuable but its stolen so u ain't really gotta work for it.
I mean at this point how could you know your worth.
Its hard forcing a feeling that ain't really there.
I swear I wanna love myself so bad.
But its hard.
How can i?
I'm tired of pretending.
Where do I start.

They say just cry to ease the pain but the tears are just recycled bags of hurt.
I cant get rid of it.
I wake up in night sweats wishing that the dreams I have were nightmares.
Only to wake up to say that it was once as reality.
Even though those realities are no more I still feel them.
I still see them they wont go away.
These scars they wont go away.

I'm asked often am I okay.
Yes is the only answer I have.
I mean I am.
I'm alive right?
What I thought would break me in pieces, held every piece of me I have left together, what I thought would kill me gave me every inspiration to want to live.
After all the hurt after all the pain, after the regrets, after the rejection, after the self hate, after everything that I thought would be a reason to want to leave this earth.
I realized that its okay to live life openly broken..

Chiquita Hyche is a 28-year-old born in Jackson, MS.  She moved to Florida when she was 11 years old.  Since being here she's experienced so much. In those experiences she has learned that writing has helped her get through them.  Chiquita is a nail technician in Jacksonville, Fl.  She is also attending school to become a Pharmacy Technician.  

Openly Broken- "An Exert" Poem

Let Me Be Clear...Why not include all races!!!!

Let me make this absolutely clear! The purpose for this blog is not to exclude other races that deal with depression.  That is NOT my intent.  I specifically dedicate this blog to African American women dealing with depression simply because there is not enough time and energy put towards this issue on any level.

For the most part, I've grown up not really hearing the word depression unless it was on T.V or spoken about in some abstract way.  For me, depression meant sad.  My interpretation of Depression was "having a bad day."  When someone told me they were depressed I expected them to be able to tell me why.  And the "why" was usually, a loved one died, a bad break-up, or something unexpected happened in their life which caused them to be sad for a period of time.

These types of depression that I understood usually lasted up to six months.  I don't think I ever encountered anyone that verbally expressed to me feeling of depression without a reason, and the feeling never lasted greater than six months.

In different scenarios in my life where I've expressed feelings of sadness I was met with a look of suprise.  If there was any concern it was a curious concern.  They needed to know the cause of the feeling so they can offer words or services that would make my feelings change.  Whenever I couldn't express why I woke up sad for no reason I was met with a little confusion.

There always had to be a reason.  It was always fixable.  And when the person saw that there was no easy or simple solution, I was told to pray.  "Rebuke that feeling and send it back to the pit of hell from whence it come."  Honestly, I still very much believe in this power to cast down negative feelings and emotions, but there must be an action performed.  Depression will never just go away on its own.

My relationship with God is without a doubt one of my strongest methods of dealing with depression. But what He has revealed to me is that simply praying for the bad feeling to go away "at that particular moment" is not enough.  I had to dig a little deeper.  I'm still digging.

Even now as I address this need, (because it is a need for African American women to recognize certain things going on in their minds, bodies and spirit) I feel like new ground is breaking.

TURN THE PAGE...

"TURN THE PAGE"

A MESSAGE OF HOPE FROM AUTHOR PHILLIP BERRIAN

“…Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

John 14:27

The other day I had the pleasure of having a conversation with a fellow Facebook friend.  His name is Phillip Berrian and he’s an author.  His message is simple: hope.  When we talked he said, “People are so angry and depressed.  They’ve gone through so many things.”  Phillip uses his writings to help people overcome their worst moments.

When I asked him how he proposes they do this, he said, “Turn the page from negative to positive.”  He said that his late grandmother Rosie Ballard Coward always told him that, “if you stay negative mentally you will not get anywhere, but you have to let go of things that have happened to you and try to focus on positive things.”

These words are so true.  So many times we often replay the worst moments of our lives over and over in our heads.  Replaying these moments only reinforces the negativity and the negative feelings and emotions that come with it.  But if you turn the page from negative to positive you can begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

We are all writing our own book.  Page 1 may have had the bitter but if you could just keep moving and turn the page to page 2 then and only then can you experience the sweet.

Phillip Berrian is the author of “The Testimonial of One’s True Greatness” and in it he shares uplifting messages about how he overcame many obstacles in his life.  Berrian believes that your “test will always become your testimony.”


To purchase Phillip Berrian' "The Testimonial of One's True Greatness" please click here!