"Openly Broken" My Story Part 1

Openly Broken

I am a black woman.

I am strong.

Regal.

Always confident.

It took me almost thirty minutes to find the place.  I almost gave up a dozen or so times. The voice in my mind kept telling me to just turn around.  This was a waste of time. But I kept moving forward. When I arrived I sat in the parking lot and cried.  It was such a beautiful day. I could be doing almost anything else but this. I could be almost anywhere else but here.  But that was the problem. Lately I couldn’t do anything. The effort it took to pull the covers off of me in the morning was exhausting.  When the sun peaked through my curtains in the morning I wanted the day to be over. But I remember the day when a new day meant a new beginning.  But things had changed. No, I needed this. I needed to be here.  I had tried everything else, hadn’t I?

I am a black woman.

I am strong.

I have soft hard-working hands that can do almost anything.

I have a sharp mind.

I was over an hour early.  I don’t know why but I felt like I needed time to prepare myself.  I needed to prepare to finally be honest.  I had to prepare myself not to smile and appear to be happy.  I realized that I’d had my whole life to practice how to smile when I wanted to cry, laugh when I wanted to scream, and just cover up my true feelings.  I realized that the face I showed the world and even myself was a mask.  I cried harder.  Heaving sobs escaped my mouth and my body shook.  

I am a black women.

I am strong.

I am strong with or without.

I look my strongest when I am alone.

A grey car pulled in and a casual dressed woman got out of the car.  She walked casually and confidently to an office door labeled one with something hanging from a hook that couldn’t quite see from where I was parked.  I was instantly jealous.  She probably didn’t have a care in the world.  She woke every morning to her perfect house, husband and kids and drove leisurely to her perfect job.  Her biggest concern was probably traffic and if the weather would ruin little Timmy’s softball game on Saturday.  What could she do for me?

I am a black woman.

I am strong.

But I am alone.

I waited for a few minutes after she had went in to finally wipe the remaining tears off of my face.  I checked my hair and make-up in the mirror. I sprayed on few pumps of my perfume, slipped out of my flats into my heels and got out of the car.  The walk to her office from where I was parked seemed so long. My feet felt very heavy and every step took so much effort. I had to think about every step.  I ignored the shouts in my head to retreat. By the time I reached to door I had sweated through my favorite suit blouse combo. I knocked because I didn’t know rather I could just enter.  I didn’t hear anything but I waited. A few moments later the door opened and I was greeted with the warmest smile and sincerest eyes.

When she walked me into her office I followed her in to a smaller office where she allowed me to choose where I would be most comfortable to sit.  She sat directly across from me.  I realized that the whole entire room was set up that way.  No matter where I sat she would always be directly in front of me.

I was glad the place had a homey feel.  There were pictures on the wall that represented something from just about every religion or culture.  I guess she wanted whoever came here to feel comfortable and represented. The array of religious items made me more uncomfortable because it told me nothing about her.

I am a black woman.

I am strong.

Always knowing what to say.

I have an understanding ear.

I was glad she was a she.  I was glad she was white. I don’t think I could have sat before a black woman preparing myself to tell her how weak I am.  How I’m not strong enough these days to keep it together. A white woman would be more understanding to this. I thought. A moment or two after I had sat a rush of emotion engulfed me.  How did I get here? Why am I here? I don’t belong here. My palms began to sweat.  I had to take several deep breaths.

We sat staring at each other for a moment or two too long for my taste.  She smiling. Me fighting the urge not to smile back as to not appear to be okay and the urge to burst into tears all at the same time.  It was like going to the doctor’s office after feeling sick for days only to get there and feel better and have to sort of pretend to be sicker than you actually feel at the moment.  Or taking your car to the mechanic only for your car to suddenly stop making the noise it had been making for over a month. It drives you kind of crazy.

All of a sudden I felt ridiculous.  I felt better. Like talking about me was a waste of time.  Maybe it was just a fluke. Maybe I just needed to pray harder, fast longer, or read more of my Bible.  This was just a test. I should make more of an effort to be in church on time.  Stay for all three services instead of two.  Make it to early Morning Prayer. Maybe I was listening to too much non-gospel music.

“So, how are you feeling today,” she calmly asked slowly enunciating and emphasizing each word.

My eyes immediately filled with tears.  I hate it when people ask me questions like that.  It made me realize that even on my happiest day there is always something wrong.  Some unspoken, unrealized sadness that sits in the corner of my mind that I have chosen (for that day) to not give my full attention too.  

This at least allows me a temporary relief or was it that finally someone had asked me, the strong, independent, I can do it all by myself I don’t need anyone’s help, as long as I got King Jesus, am I okay and how am I feeling.

 I figured that people don’t usually ask that question unless they had a motive or angle or just nosy. My daddy (God rest his soul) always told me, “no one is going to give you anything for free, everything comes with a price.” Rarely had I found this not to be true.  But this was one of those rare moments. Now all I had to do was find the strength to finally be honest. This simple question, I realized had been answered falsely for so long that it was very confusing.

“Well actually all of a sudden I feel okay,” I said jokingly.  We both smiled. “But, uh lately,” I swallowed hard. “I haven’t quite felt myself.” My first of many tears began to fall uncontrollably.  Here I was with so much to say but nothing to say all at the same time. “I’ve been sad lately,” was all I could muster.  

I am a black woman.

I am strong.

I have large warm open outstretched arms ready to hold you.

I have large breasts soft as pillows ready for you to lie your heavy head upon.

A picture in my mind formed of me in my bed still in my pajamas in the middle of the day.  That picture turned into a movie. A movie I replayed over and over again. A movie of me in bed day after day, not wanting and not having the strength to even bathe.  I went days without getting out of bed for anything unless I had to.

My kids would knock on the door come in and climb into bed with me.  They would lie there heads on my chest and ask me what’s wrong. I would whisper a horsed Mommy doesn’t feel well.  It was true. I didn’t know what was wrong. I just knew I didn’t feel good. I didn’t feel like myself. Thoughts exhausted me.  Like the thought of getting up and going to the restroom, or the thought of eating. All of those simple things took so much effort and energy that I just didn’t have.  

“I feel tired all the time.  I don’t want to get out of bed.  I guess I just feel alone,” I hadn’t realized that my voice had trailed off until she cleared her throat to speak again. “Tell me about what’s going on in your life right now,” she said.

I am a black woman.

I am strong.

I have big beautiful lips that spread into a smile as I pour my wisdom and soft kind words into your life.

I smirked because there was a time when I loved to tell people about my life.  I was, in my opinion, always doing or planning to do something exciting. For the past 4 years I had been trying very hard to receive my bachelor’s degree.  I worked very hard. I had a lot to prove to a lot of people including myself. I needed to show them that I was not a failure and that I could finish something I started.  But here I was one semester from finishing and I had run out of financial aid and hope. At this point I was very exhausted of school and really did want to quit but then that would prove everyone right.  I was a failure.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Mental Note: The Company You Keep & the Place Where You Sleep

Now more than ever I realize how the company you keep plays a significant role in your mental health.  First of all, if you have a mental health issue I would encourage you to seek help from a "trusted" therapist or spiritual counselor. 

Secondly, I would take inventory of the people that's in your life.  Are they negative?  This may take some time and observation to find out.  How does this person respond to life on a daily basis? 

Everybody has moments of frustration, anger, sadness, disappointment, but this shouldn't be a every day or every week occurrence.  Being in the presence of or listening to or talking to negative people is very toxic.  And if you're "ill" you cannot be in a toxic environment and expect healing. 

We understand this in the physical world, which is why hospitals are so clean and often cold.  They've created an environment for healing and getting well.  You cannot get well physically in a toxic, and unclean environment.  In a hospital there are a lot of restricted areas.  Every body can't just step into any room or location. 


There are certain areas where there are restrictions and only people that are authorized are aloud in these areas.  Do you know why?  Because they know how to behave around a sick person.  They know the right clothes to wear to protect themselves and the sick person.  They know how to stay clean.  They understand the messiness of the sick. 

I often compare our mental state to our physical state because there are so many similarities.  When you are sick, you can't have other sick people around you because how are you going to get better.  You can't get well in an unstable environment. 

A hospital is a controlled environment.  You have to be in a controlled environment when you're trying to heal mentally.  You cannot be in a place where someone'e moods will change at the drop of the hat.  It's too much of a toxic situation for healing to take place. 

Some of us have gone through various things in our life that have caused us to become vulnerable to certain diseases--(dis-ease)-- cancers (toxins that spread) and dysfunctional behaviors.  In order to get better or to get healing you must change your environment. 

Nothing will get better in a messed up environment.  I sometimes think about trying to get clean in a swamp.  It really doesn't matter how much soap I use in the swamp, I will never get clean. 

Affirmations and Honesty!!! Part 1

Self-Medicating

Mental Health in the African American Community

When I was in college I took a religious course that required each student to read and discuss "Two Monks and a Woman".  This is a story about two Monks that were getting ready to cross a river and came across a very attractive young woman who was also trying to cross the river but was having trouble.  She called to them for help.  They both hesitated because they had taken a vow forbidding them to touch any woman.

Well, the older monk stepped forward and lifted the woman and carried her across the river.  As soon as he reached the other side he sat her down and both monks continued their journey.  The younger monk however questioned the older monk's decision.  After several hours of thinking about it, he just couldn't keep quiet any longer.  He had to ask the older monk why he'd decided to help the woman knowing the vow that they'd both taken.  The eldest monk turned to him and said, "Brother, I set her down on the other side of the river, why are you still carrying her?"

It's been years since I read that and I've never forgotten it.  When I was thinking about why people self-medicate-- I was reminded of this story.  There are some people that come into our life and things that happen to us and we never forget them.  They are with us always.  When we wake up in the morning--they're there.  Throughout the day, as we are eating breakfast, at work, talking on the phone, watching television, doing laundry---they're there.  And as we lay our heads down and close our eyes they lay with us and enter our dreams.  It's never-ending. There are brief moments of relief but they are short lived.

What is Self-Medicating

I've wanted to talk about this subject for a long time now but honestly the fact that I'm still currently doing this myself has kept me from discussing it, until now.  Self-medication by definition is a human behavior in which an individual uses substances or any exogenous influence for physical or psychological ailments.  "The term self-medicating is used when substances, drugs or alcohol are abused to mask symptoms of a mental health issue."  This is the definition that I most relate to because it pretty much sums everything up.

The Self-Medication Hypothesis

According to the American Journal of Psychiatry the Self-Medication Hypothesis was introduced in 1985 and is the idea that substance abuse can be a form of self-medication.  It also states that alcohol and drug abuse is often used to cope with a variety of mental health conditions, including depression. 

This is basically saying that people who deal with depression and PTSD and other mental health issues have realized that alcohol, weed, food, and other drugs can temporarily relieve them of their mental illness, and it's true.  It does indeed provide a TEMPORARY relief.  The key word being temporary.  And honestly, these substances if abused--which most often times are--lead to far more serious problems.  These problems turn into addictions that are hard to break and cause serious health issues.  So the question remains: Why do we (still) self-medicate?  And why do we self-medicate with things that only provide a temporary solution and also present long lasting serious future health issues?

Why Do We Self-Medicate

There are many reasons why people turn to drugs or alcohol--"social pressures, the desire to feel a certain way, curiosity, to escape reality, relieve stress, forget a trauma, ease physical or emotional discomfort, and to reduce symptoms of a mental illness." When I posted that I would be discussing this topic during my live talk session on Instagram I got a lot of responses.  This response came in my inbox from one of my followers and her name is  Khia of #NotesbyKhia she is a blogger as well and has written a few blog posts on mental health.  She is very well versed on the subject because she works in the mental health field.  I was very grateful for the comments that she provided. She stated, "..working in mental health I see it all the time.  Especially before they realize what they are dealing with is treatable by legal medications and therapy.  A lot of times self-medicating is easier, more accessible, and works faster.  Anti-depressants, anxiety medications and other psychotropics can take weeks to get into your system to feel any effect and sometimes it takes years to get the right dosage and combination.  [People often use other] substitutions because it can take just a few minutes for effects and they know what works.''

Self-Medicating with Food

As African-Americans we have often turned to food to provide us with a source of nourishment and comfort.  At almost every event--the good ones like weddings, baby-showers, birthday parties, graduations, church services, family reunions--and even the bad ones-- such as funerals and wakes there's always food.  

Both of my hands are raised when it comes to self-medicating with food.  In good times and bad there's always been food--a very constant and stable thing in a not-so-constant and stable world.  I haven't always realized that I turn to food in high stress situations and down days until I've either fasted or tried dieting.  This is when I'm faced with how big a role food really plays in my life.  I've seen others easily turn their plates down or manage very health eating lifestyles but it's been the one area of my life that stays out of my control. 

"Emotional eating is when food is used as a way to suppress or sooth negative emotions.  This is also known as binge-eating.  "Comfort-eating" may temporarily reduce stress in those that aren't clinically depressed---binge eating is not a healthy way to treat depression.  It can negatively impact self-esteem and make symptoms of mental illness worse."

Self- Medicating with Alcohol

It's funny how quickly one drink can easily escalate to two, to three, to four until you realize that you don't really wanna do anything without a drink first.  Honestly, that's where I saw my life heading.  Alcohol is another temporary fix.  It definitely helps with dealing with my depression.  One sip and I can feel myself become more calmer and I know this may sound crazy but I felt like I could think more clearer.  I felt less anxious and my spirit lifted.

However, when that feeling faded away my anxiety came back with a vengeance.  I would always feel worse which lead me to reach for the bottle a lot more frequently then I ever wanted to.  One day I looked around at all of the empty bottles I'd collected over a short period of time and realized that I don't want to be this woman.  I don't want a temporary fix.  I want a solution.

In low doses, alcohol can temporarily relieve symptoms of depression.  However, when used as regular treatment, it can lead to alcoholism, which worsens depression.  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is another condition that frequently results in self-medicating with alcohol.  Research shows that trauma is often linked to alcohol abuse.

Self-Medications with Weed

Weed is probably the most commonly used drug among African Americans to treat depression and other mental illness.  Unfortunately although it has been proven to work it is however still illegal in many states so therefore people who do use it to treat their mental illness' run the risk of breaking the law.  Not only that, it only works in small doses so it can easily become something that if mismanaged can actually make matters worse.

I hear so many different opinions on marijuana--it's addictive, it makes you lazy, it's wrong, it goes against the Bible---and some of those things I can't speak on because I'm not God and I'm not here to judge anyone--I can't do that!

I will say this--I get it!  I understand!  It's hard living with depression.  You want a break!  You want whatever relief you can get and you will honestly take it in any form you can get it!  But the one thing I can say with 100% assurance is this: IT IS TEMPORARY!

It's not a magical cure.  It wears off and I have found myself worse off because my anxiety is heightened.  It's like being in the worse pain (physically) and then getting the best pain medicine that only last for like four hours.  And yes, those four hours are the best hours of your life but when they're over--they are over!

You crash, and you come down hard!  That's the problem that I've found with weed.  It's just another temporary fix to a what seems like a permanent problem.  So therefore, it might be the best thing for someone else, but for me it's not--I need a solution.

"Cannabis is the most widely used illicit substance among those with depressive disorders.  It has been found effective in treating depression in small doses.  However, too much can worsen symptoms of depression."

*There are of course, other more strong drugs such as opiads!  I don't discuss them here but I may in the future!

The Dangers of Self-Medicating

The problems with self-medication in my opinion is that you never really get to the root of the problem.  Self-medicating will only mask or cover the real issue.  It's a temporary fix and it gives a temporary solution to an issue that feels very permanent.  I have definitely come to recognize this for myself.  Like I said I am currently dealing with this now and I realize that self-medicating felt like a solution at first because I was just happy to find some relief.  But now I can't really stomach the idea of doing this for the rest of my life.  First of all it is very unhealthy.  And for all of the judgy-mc-judgers (yes, I know that's not a word) out there self-medication comes in many forms (I'll explain later).  So don't be so quick to point and wag your finger just yet!

According to the National Center for Biotechnology, "Potential risks of self-medication practices include: incorrect self-diagnosis, delays in seeking medical advice when needed, incorrect manner of administration, incorrect dosage, incorrect choice of therapy, masking of a severe disease and risk of dependence and abuse."

African American women are the most under-treated group of people in the United States of America. The very last thing we want to do is to have one more thing that we gotta do!  But our mental health is too important to ignore.  We have a lot of unresolved issues ranging from---molestation, sexual abuse, physical abuse,---just to name a few and this goes back for generations.  Yet, we often don't seek the help we need.  We are often the ones who are covering up our stains, shames, and blemishes with fake smiles, comfort foods, a few drinks and yes drugs.  It's unhealthy and it leads to substance abuse, obesity and alcoholism.

So, what can we do?  I wish I had the answer.  I've avoided this topic for awhile now only because I felt like I needed to be able to provide some type of solution.  But honestly, I'm still currently dealing with this and really doing a lot of soul searching, praying, talking and researching.

I will say this, I started this article still self-medicating but during the course of researching and talking to a few counselors, and a pastor I have decided to stop it immediately.  I emptied every liquor bottle that I had and made a few choices about some other things. I'm doing my best to stay on a health eating plan and exercising regularly.  I can't say that I'll do this always but I'm taking it one day at a time and that's the best that I can offer myself and to anyone else.

One thing I do know is this:  I don't want to live like this forever.  Self-Medicating is NOT the answer!  It is a temporary fix and we all have to question and examine ourselves as to why we do the things that we do.  I could never tell you why---only YOU can do that!

ASK YOURSELF THIS:

1. Have you ever felt that you should cut down on your self-medicating habit?

2. Have people annoyed you by criticizing your habit?

3.  Have you ever felt bad or guilty about your habit?

4.  Have you ever had to have your habit first thing in the morning to steady your nerves?

The more questions that you answered yes to the more likely that you are abusing or mismanaging it and you need to seek help immediately!

Sources:

Recognizing Forms of Self-Medication. (n.d.). Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/forms-self-medication#6

Ruiz, M. E. (2010, October). Risks of self-medication practices. Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20615179

Recognizing Forms of Self-Medication. (n.d.). Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/forms-self-medication#6

Ruiz, M. E. (2010, October). Risks of self-medication practices. Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20615179

Recognizing Forms of Self-Medication. (n.d.). Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/forms-self-medication#6

Ruiz, M. E. (2010, October). Risks of self-medication practices. Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20615179

Recognizing Forms of Self-Medication. (n.d.). Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/forms-self-medication#6

Ruiz, M. E. (2010, October). Risks of self-medication practices. Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20615179

Recognizing Forms of Self-Medication. (n.d.). Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/forms-self-medication#6

Ruiz, M. E. (2010, October). Risks of self-medication practices. Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20615179

Rejection- Why are we so angry?

Rejection- Why are we so angry?

Let’s face it as Black people we deal with a lot of rejection.  It’s no secret, and unless you’ve been living under a rock it is very hard not to hear about or experience race related issues in some form living in America.  And if you live in the South like I do you’ve probably experienced racism on a more direct level and definitely more than once or twice.  Sometimes I truly feel rejected by my own country.  It’s crazy!

Many African Americans have grown up in one parent households—it’s unfortunate that this is kinda becoming the norm.  Many children grow into young men and women that have feelings of rejection that stem from the rejection from the parent that did not stick around.  They may blame themselves and have feelings of worthlessness.  I can count on my fingers and toes the number of women who grow up with a very strong feeling of rejection because their father was not in their life and they take it personally.

Many people underestimate the power of rejection.  Although it is a natural part of life-rejection can have serious effects.  “The word rejection became popular in psychology in 1931, when parental rejection was seen as a motivation of bad behavior in children.”  A 2001 study by the Surgeon General showed that rejection among adolescent promoted violence more so than drugs, poverty, or gang membership.

Among adults rejection can often lead to dysfunctional relationships, abandonment issues, trust issues, as well as violence, suicide, depression and other mental illness.  “Countless studies have demonstrated that even mild rejections lead people to take out their aggression on innocent bystanders.  School shootings, violence against women, and fired workers going ‘postal’ are other examples of the strong link between rejection and aggression.”

Although there are people who turn their feelings of rejection in to outward expressions there are many others who turn inward.  Often time’s people who have difficulty dealing with rejection will become fixated on pleasing others.  They spend countless hours trying to figure out how they receive admiration and praises from others.  This can be very exhausting and will cause a person to have an identity crisis.  They will mold and mend themselves to fit what others want and expect them to be.  “Often this becomes such a dominating goal that they forget what they actually wanted from their own lives.  They are too busy making sure other people isn’t displeased with them.”

Many people who deal with the effects of constant rejection will eventually just give up and stop trying.  Any indication of failure is often perceived as too painful.  Rejection can seem so scary that even “bright, capable people will become slackers and do absolutely nothing with their lives because making any effort is so anxiety-provoking.” 

Effects of Rejection

• Intrusive, debilitating anxiety.
• Chronic feelings of insecurity.
• Chronic depression
• Decreased self-esteen.
• Feelings of loss of control over life
• Self-depreciation.
• Isolation
• Obsessive thinking and intrusive thoughts about the abandonment.

Romantic rejection can lead to fault-finding, belittling of oneself, relationship-sabotage or its counterpart—clinging to a dysfunctional relationship.  However, blaming and attacking your own self-worth “only deepens the emotional pain and makes it harder to recover emotionally.”

Because we are social animals and live and thrive in “tribes” feelings of rejection can often lead to isolation and dysfunction.  “Social rejection increases anger, anxiety, depression, jealousy and sadness.”  People who are routinely rejected or feel excluded can have physical effects as well.  They may experience “poorer sleep quality and their immune systems don’t function as well as those people with strong social connections.”

Rejection can have the same effects as physical pain.  A study conducted showed that people who experience rejection could take Tylenol (a pain reliever) and feel better.  “Studies show that the same areas of the brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain.  This is why rejections hurts so much (neurologically speaking).”

We can re-live and re-experience social pain more vividly than we can physical pain.  If you’ve ever had a broken bone—try reliving that pain.  You may be able to remember it but you can’t actually feel it.  Now try recalling a time when you felt extremely rejected—those thoughts could re trigger the hurt, anger and pain that you felt.

In some cases rejection can be treated. Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is an extreme emotional sensitivity and emotional pain triggered by the perception – not necessarily the reality – that a person has been rejected, teased, or criticized by important people in their life. RSD may also be triggered by a sense of failure, or falling short – failing to meet either their own high standards or others’ expectations.

So what can you do to fight feelings of rejection?

•     Look for positive connections—this could come from family, friends, co-workers, church members, sororities or other social groups.  “Positive social interactions release opiods for a natural mood boost.”  Sometimes it can be very easy to get caught up in wanting to be involved in a certain social circle and when that doesn’t happen it can be very easy to feel rejection and alone.  But then, what about the people that we often overlook.  Nurture those relationships.
•     Exercise- (insert eye roll) I know…I know.  Is exercise the magical answer to everything?  Uhm, possibly. 

Exercise helps prevent and improve a number of health problems, including high blood pressure, diabetes and arthritis. Research on depression, anxiety and exercise shows that the psychological and physical benefits of exercise can also help improve mood and reduce anxiety.

References:

Rejection sets off alarms for folks with low self-Esteem.”Association for Psychological Science, www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/rejection-sets-off-alarms-for-folks-with-low-self-esteem.html.

Monitor on Psychology, American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection.aspx.

“How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.”ADDitude, 14 Dec. 2017, www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-how-to-treat-it-alongside-adhd/.

“Rejection - Dictionary Definition.”Vocabulary.com, www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/rejection.

“Rejection sets off alarms for folks with low self-Esteem.”Association for Psychological Science, www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/rejection-sets-off-alarms-for-folks-with-low-self-esteem.html.

Monitor on Psychology, American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection.aspx.

“How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.”ADDitude, 14 Dec. 2017, www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-how-to-treat-it-alongside-adhd/.

“Rejection - Dictionary Definition.”Vocabulary.com, www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/rejection.

Monitor on Psychology, American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection.aspx.

“How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.”ADDitude, 14 Dec. 2017, www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-how-to-treat-it-alongside-adhd/.

“Rejection - Dictionary Definition.”Vocabulary.com, www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/rejection.

Monitor on Psychology, American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection.aspx.

“How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.”ADDitude, 14 Dec. 2017, www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-how-to-treat-it-alongside-adhd/.

“Rejection - Dictionary Definition.”Vocabulary.com, www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/rejection.

Find Your Happy Place/Mental Injuries

Find Your Happy Place...And Linger!

I've recently realized how much time I've spent in the past focusing on the negative things.  It's either I'm anticipating something bad, or experiencing something bad or reflecting on something bad.  It feels like a never-ending negative cloud is constantly hovering over me threatening me with heavy rain and showers.  

Today, I realized that I do have rare moments of pure happiness and the reasons for my happiness are not at all tied to money, material possessions or other people--they come solely from gratitude.  I've decided that I don't spend entirely enough time in these moments and they are often too far in between.

But today I gave myself permission to really enjoy it.  I wanted to relish in it and for the moment to linger as long as possible.  Of course, I recognize that the weather eventually changes (it was nice and warm and sunny the other day--today it's wet, dark and dreary) but that's life.

I just want to enjoy the sunny days to the fullest and not let the threat of rain eclipse my moment to enjoy the shine!

Mental Injuries

It's so important that we seek help after experiencing trauma of all kinds!  You will be suprised at what can alter your state of mind.  If you've ever been in an abusive relationship--you should seek counseling.  If you've lost a close friend or family member--you should seek counseling.  If you've had to move abruptly for whatever reason--you should talk to someone (with a level head and common sense) or yes, seek counseling.  

As African-Americans we've been in survival mode for so long--only focusing on working and paying bills and making sure food is on the table, and lights are on, and transportation, and the very basics of caring for ourselves.  In the past it was very easy to brush a lot of issues under the rub because we had bigger things to worry about.  

Well, now we have time.  We now have to go back and start addressing some issues that we left unattended.  So many children (girls and boys) have been sexually abused by family, friends of family, boyfriends, step-fathers, pastors, or people that were suppose to be a protector---and these things have never been addressed!

If I break my arm I don't just go on with life.  I go to the doctor and my arm is examined and I'm given an x-ray to determine the location of the break and then someone comes and bandages my arm up so that it can set right and I can have full function of my arm in the future,

The same should be done for the mental injuries that occur in our lives.  When we are hurt or traumatized we must see someone so that we can heal properly and be at 100% functionality in the future,

Mental Health is just as important as Physical Health!

Suffering in Silence--Mental Health and the Black Man

Every African American man living in the United States of America could benefit from mental health counseling.  According to mentalhealthamerica.net "Despite progress made over the years, racism continues to have an impact on the mental health of Black/African Americans.  Negative stereotypes and attitudes of rejection have decreased, but continue to occur with measurable, adverse consequences."

Historical and contemporary instances of negative treatment have led to a mistrust of authorities, many of whom are not seen as having the best interests of Black/African Americans in mind."  When it comes to mental health it really doesn't matter how much money you have in the bank, nor does it matter how much weights you lift at the gym.  It has nothing to really do with your physical build, your hair, clothes, or even education.

Unfortunately for many African American men, expressing their feelings is something that is frowned upon or thought of as a weakness. Studies show," Adult Black/African Americans are more likely to have feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and worthlessness than are adult white."  I don't know how many times I've heard mothers and fathers calling their sons sissy's and punk's because they were caught crying.  Men are taught to never show emotion because it is a sign of weakness.

This type of thinking has put a lot of Black men at a disadvantage.  Many are suffering is silence. Reports state, "Black/African Americans hold beliefs related to stigma, psychological openness, and help-seeking, which in turn affects their coping behaviors."
They are ashamed of expressing the suicidal thoughts that plague their minds regularly.

"Black African American teenagers are morel likely to attempt suicide than are white teenagers."   Many African American men use drugs and alcohol as a way of self-medicating.  "Black/African Americans also account for 37 percent of drug arrests, but only 14 percent of regular drug users--illicit drug use is frequently associated with self-medication among people with mental illnesses."

If you are an African American male living in the United States of America then you need counseling.  As a community and as a whole we all need to be made aware of the affects of mental illness and we all need to make sure that we strive to live healthy---mentally.

Candace L. Smith

References:

Black & African American Communities and Mental Health. (2017, April 03). Retrieved November 29, 2017, from http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/african-american-mental-health