Openly Broken

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Untitled Poem by Tonisha #day17 #28daysofselflove

Reddened eyes
Up all night
Baby in one arm
Briefcase in the other
Strolling down the street
“Hey bitch, can I have your number?”
Hold up, pause,
“Is that how you speak to your mother?”
The language that drips from your lips is so vile for this woman of color

It gots to be that black girl magic that keeps us from going under
It’s wicked how we’re rejected and disrespected because of our melanin
Yet, you have those of the lighter persuasion trying to
Walk like us
Talk like us
Look like us
Be like us
But they can’t
See, they can’t relate to this struggle

This chocolate skin
Baby, it wasn’t always in
And this kinky hair
Doused in relaxers and flatirons
Taking care of your kids with nothing but peanut butter in the fridge
Let’s not forget little Amy receiving that position that you’ve earned
Being taught to watch your mouth to persevere that man’s ego
Ergo, I must be little miss submissive in order for him to be attentive

But, sweetheart, listen
Everything has an expiration date
And those days and times are over
Exude that black girl magic that lies within
Snatch those bandages off and let them wounds heal

It’s okay to be soft
It’s alright to reveal
Let go of that hurt
So that you can begin to live
My name is not “bitch, hoe, slut, or ayo ma”
Call me by my name or don’t call me at all!

Tonisha is a poet that will grace this blog frequently. Her work mirrors the expressions of this blog and I welcome her voice and talent.

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Self-Medicating

Mental Health in the African American Community

When I was in college I took a religious course that required each student to read and discuss "Two Monks and a Woman". This is a story about two Monks that were getting ready to cross a river and came across a very attractive young woman who was also trying to cross the river but was having trouble. She called to them for help. They both hesitated because they had taken a vow forbidding them to touch any woman.

Well, the older monk stepped forward and lifted the woman and carried her across the river. As soon as he reached the other side he sat her down and both monks continued their journey. The younger monk however questioned the older monk's decision. After several hours of thinking about it, he just couldn't keep quiet any longer. He had to ask the older monk why he'd decided to help the woman knowing the vow that they'd both taken. The eldest monk turned to him and said, "Brother, I set her down on the other side of the river, why are you still carrying her?"

It's been years since I read that and I've never forgotten it. When I was thinking about why people self-medicate-- I was reminded of this story. There are some people that come into our life and things that happen to us and we never forget them. They are with us always. When we wake up in the morning--they're there. Throughout the day, as we are eating breakfast, at work, talking on the phone, watching television, doing laundry---they're there. And as we lay our heads down and close our eyes they lay with us and enter our dreams. It's never-ending. There are brief moments of relief but they are short lived.

What is Self-Medicating

I've wanted to talk about this subject for a long time now but honestly the fact that I'm still currently doing this myself has kept me from discussing it, until now. Self-medication by definition is a human behavior in which an individual uses substances or any exogenous influence for physical or psychological ailments. "The term self-medicating is used when substances, drugs or alcohol are abused to mask symptoms of a mental health issue." This is the definition that I most relate to because it pretty much sums everything up.

The Self-Medication Hypothesis

According to the American Journal of Psychiatry the Self-Medication Hypothesis was introduced in 1985 and is the idea that substance abuse can be a form of self-medication. It also states that alcohol and drug abuse is often used to cope with a variety of mental health conditions, including depression.

This is basically saying that people who deal with depression and PTSD and other mental health issues have realized that alcohol, weed, food, and other drugs can temporarily relieve them of their mental illness, and it's true. It does indeed provide a TEMPORARY relief. The key word being temporary. And honestly, these substances if abused--which most often times are--lead to far more serious problems. These problems turn into addictions that are hard to break and cause serious health issues. So the question remains: Why do we (still) self-medicate? And why do we self-medicate with things that only provide a temporary solution and also present long lasting serious future health issues?

Why Do We Self-Medicate

There are many reasons why people turn to drugs or alcohol--"social pressures, the desire to feel a certain way, curiosity, to escape reality, relieve stress, forget a trauma, ease physical or emotional discomfort, and to reduce symptoms of a mental illness." When I posted that I would be discussing this topic during my live talk session on Instagram I got a lot of responses. This response came in my inbox from one of my followers and her name is Khia of #NotesbyKhia she is a blogger as well and has written a few blog posts on mental health. She is very well versed on the subject because she works in the mental health field. I was very grateful for the comments that she provided. She stated, "..working in mental health I see it all the time. Especially before they realize what they are dealing with is treatable by legal medications and therapy. A lot of times self-medicating is easier, more accessible, and works faster. Anti-depressants, anxiety medications and other psychotropics can take weeks to get into your system to feel any effect and sometimes it takes years to get the right dosage and combination. [People often use other] substitutions because it can take just a few minutes for effects and they know what works.''

Self-Medicating with Food

As African-Americans we have often turned to food to provide us with a source of nourishment and comfort. At almost every event--the good ones like weddings, baby-showers, birthday parties, graduations, church services, family reunions--and even the bad ones-- such as funerals and wakes there's always food.

Both of my hands are raised when it comes to self-medicating with food. In good times and bad there's always been food--a very constant and stable thing in a not-so-constant and stable world. I haven't always realized that I turn to food in high stress situations and down days until I've either fasted or tried dieting. This is when I'm faced with how big a role food really plays in my life. I've seen others easily turn their plates down or manage very health eating lifestyles but it's been the one area of my life that stays out of my control.

"Emotional eating is when food is used as a way to suppress or sooth negative emotions. This is also known as binge-eating. "Comfort-eating" may temporarily reduce stress in those that aren't clinically depressed---binge eating is not a healthy way to treat depression. It can negatively impact self-esteem and make symptoms of mental illness worse."

Self- Medicating with Alcohol

It's funny how quickly one drink can easily escalate to two, to three, to four until you realize that you don't really wanna do anything without a drink first. Honestly, that's where I saw my life heading. Alcohol is another temporary fix. It definitely helps with dealing with my depression. One sip and I can feel myself become more calmer and I know this may sound crazy but I felt like I could think more clearer. I felt less anxious and my spirit lifted.

However, when that feeling faded away my anxiety came back with a vengeance. I would always feel worse which lead me to reach for the bottle a lot more frequently then I ever wanted to. One day I looked around at all of the empty bottles I'd collected over a short period of time and realized that I don't want to be this woman. I don't want a temporary fix. I want a solution.

In low doses, alcohol can temporarily relieve symptoms of depression. However, when used as regular treatment, it can lead to alcoholism, which worsens depression. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is another condition that frequently results in self-medicating with alcohol. Research shows that trauma is often linked to alcohol abuse.

Self-Medications with Weed

Weed is probably the most commonly used drug among African Americans to treat depression and other mental illness. Unfortunately although it has been proven to work it is however still illegal in many states so therefore people who do use it to treat their mental illness' run the risk of breaking the law. Not only that, it only works in small doses so it can easily become something that if mismanaged can actually make matters worse.

I hear so many different opinions on marijuana--it's addictive, it makes you lazy, it's wrong, it goes against the Bible---and some of those things I can't speak on because I'm not God and I'm not here to judge anyone--I can't do that!

I will say this--I get it! I understand! It's hard living with depression. You want a break! You want whatever relief you can get and you will honestly take it in any form you can get it! But the one thing I can say with 100% assurance is this: IT IS TEMPORARY!

It's not a magical cure. It wears off and I have found myself worse off because my anxiety is heightened. It's like being in the worse pain (physically) and then getting the best pain medicine that only last for like four hours. And yes, those four hours are the best hours of your life but when they're over--they are over!

You crash, and you come down hard! That's the problem that I've found with weed. It's just another temporary fix to a what seems like a permanent problem. So therefore, it might be the best thing for someone else, but for me it's not--I need a solution.

"Cannabis is the most widely used illicit substance among those with depressive disorders. It has been found effective in treating depression in small doses. However, too much can worsen symptoms of depression."

*There are of course, other more strong drugs such as opiads! I don't discuss them here but I may in the future!

The Dangers of Self-Medicating

The problems with self-medication in my opinion is that you never really get to the root of the problem. Self-medicating will only mask or cover the real issue. It's a temporary fix and it gives a temporary solution to an issue that feels very permanent. I have definitely come to recognize this for myself. Like I said I am currently dealing with this now and I realize that self-medicating felt like a solution at first because I was just happy to find some relief. But now I can't really stomach the idea of doing this for the rest of my life. First of all it is very unhealthy. And for all of the judgy-mc-judgers (yes, I know that's not a word) out there self-medication comes in many forms (I'll explain later). So don't be so quick to point and wag your finger just yet!

According to the National Center for Biotechnology, "Potential risks of self-medication practices include: incorrect self-diagnosis, delays in seeking medical advice when needed, incorrect manner of administration, incorrect dosage, incorrect choice of therapy, masking of a severe disease and risk of dependence and abuse."

African American women are the most under-treated group of people in the United States of America. The very last thing we want to do is to have one more thing that we gotta do! But our mental health is too important to ignore. We have a lot of unresolved issues ranging from---molestation, sexual abuse, physical abuse,---just to name a few and this goes back for generations. Yet, we often don't seek the help we need. We are often the ones who are covering up our stains, shames, and blemishes with fake smiles, comfort foods, a few drinks and yes drugs. It's unhealthy and it leads to substance abuse, obesity and alcoholism.

So, what can we do? I wish I had the answer. I've avoided this topic for awhile now only because I felt like I needed to be able to provide some type of solution. But honestly, I'm still currently dealing with this and really doing a lot of soul searching, praying, talking and researching.

I will say this, I started this article still self-medicating but during the course of researching and talking to a few counselors, and a pastor I have decided to stop it immediately. I emptied every liquor bottle that I had and made a few choices about some other things. I'm doing my best to stay on a health eating plan and exercising regularly. I can't say that I'll do this always but I'm taking it one day at a time and that's the best that I can offer myself and to anyone else.

One thing I do know is this: I don't want to live like this forever. Self-Medicating is NOT the answer! It is a temporary fix and we all have to question and examine ourselves as to why we do the things that we do. I could never tell you why---only YOU can do that!

ASK YOURSELF THIS:

1. Have you ever felt that you should cut down on your self-medicating habit?

2. Have people annoyed you by criticizing your habit?

3. Have you ever felt bad or guilty about your habit?

4. Have you ever had to have your habit first thing in the morning to steady your nerves?

The more questions that you answered yes to the more likely that you are abusing or mismanaging it and you need to seek help immediately!

Sources:

Recognizing Forms of Self-Medication. (n.d.). Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/forms-self-medication#6

Ruiz, M. E. (2010, October). Risks of self-medication practices. Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20615179

Recognizing Forms of Self-Medication. (n.d.). Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/forms-self-medication#6

Ruiz, M. E. (2010, October). Risks of self-medication practices. Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20615179

Recognizing Forms of Self-Medication. (n.d.). Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/forms-self-medication#6

Ruiz, M. E. (2010, October). Risks of self-medication practices. Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20615179

Recognizing Forms of Self-Medication. (n.d.). Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/forms-self-medication#6

Ruiz, M. E. (2010, October). Risks of self-medication practices. Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20615179

Recognizing Forms of Self-Medication. (n.d.). Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/forms-self-medication#6

Ruiz, M. E. (2010, October). Risks of self-medication practices. Retrieved January 29, 2018, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20615179

Monday, January 29, 2018

Sun Kissed Shoulders-- A poem by Tonisha N.

Sun Kissed Shoulders

It's something that I must get off of my chest when it comes to the softness of my black sistas.

We have allowed ourselves to become stone.

We have buried our emotions so deep within ourselves that most times we aren't sure if we have any.

We have been indoctrinated to believe that as a black women we feel no pain, but we do.

We feel it our bones every waking moment, we feel it in our heavy eyelids, we feel it in the soles of our feet, wee feel it deep within our spirit!

Yet, we NEVER speak about it.

We never allow our emotions to manifest themselves into tears to cleanse the soul.

Instead, we continue to bury them in liquor bottles, weed blunts, between sheets, and church pews!

We allow ourselves to be silent sufferers then have the audacity to be angry when no one ask "Sis, you okay?"

We faithfully answer with the centuries old rhetoric of "Yeah, girl, just tired."

We say it to convince others but most importantly ourselves.

We say it as if the woman that looks like you, walks like you, speaks like you, and have endured the same struggles as you can't see pass that soulless "Yeah, girl, I'm just tired."

It's like if we allow our emotions to seep through our pores we somehow become vincible.

We are afraid of humanness.

We are afraid to show our weaknesses because at every twist and turn they've been thrown back into our faces.

Still it's a must that we do it because the softness of our souls are in jeopardy.

The sun can't penetrate the essence of who you are if you're afraid of it.

Bask in your humanness, allow the sun to kiss your shoulders so that the magic that you were born with in your bones becomes so powerful that your descendants can be whomever they choose without fear or judgment.

Written by Tonisha N.

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Rejection- Why are we so angry?

Let’s face it as Black people we deal with a lot of rejection. It’s no secret, and unless you’ve been living under a rock it is very hard not to hear about or experience race related issues in some form living in America. And if you live in the South like I do you’ve probably experienced racism on a more direct level and definitely more than once or twice. Sometimes I truly feel rejected by my own country. It’s crazy!

Many African Americans have grown up in one parent households—it’s unfortunate that this is kinda becoming the norm. Many children grow into young men and women that have feelings of rejection that stem from the rejection from the parent that did not stick around. They may blame themselves and have feelings of worthlessness. I can count on my fingers and toes the number of women who grow up with a very strong feeling of rejection because their father was not in their life and they take it personally.

Many people underestimate the power of rejection. Although it is a natural part of life-rejection can have serious effects. “The word rejection became popular in psychology in 1931, when parental rejection was seen as a motivation of bad behavior in children.” A 2001 study by the Surgeon General showed that rejection among adolescent promoted violence more so than drugs, poverty, or gang membership.

Among adults rejection can often lead to dysfunctional relationships, abandonment issues, trust issues, as well as violence, suicide, depression and other mental illness. “Countless studies have demonstrated that even mild rejections lead people to take out their aggression on innocent bystanders. School shootings, violence against women, and fired workers going ‘postal’ are other examples of the strong link between rejection and aggression.”

Although there are people who turn their feelings of rejection in to outward expressions there are many others who turn inward. Often time’s people who have difficulty dealing with rejection will become fixated on pleasing others. They spend countless hours trying to figure out how they receive admiration and praises from others. This can be very exhausting and will cause a person to have an identity crisis. They will mold and mend themselves to fit what others want and expect them to be. “Often this becomes such a dominating goal that they forget what they actually wanted from their own lives. They are too busy making sure other people isn’t displeased with them.”

Many people who deal with the effects of constant rejection will eventually just give up and stop trying. Any indication of failure is often perceived as too painful. Rejection can seem so scary that even “bright, capable people will become slackers and do absolutely nothing with their lives because making any effort is so anxiety-provoking.”

Effects of Rejection

Intrusive, debilitating anxiety.
Chronic feelings of insecurity.
Chronic depression
Decreased self-esteen.
Feelings of loss of control over life
Self-depreciation.
Isolation
Obsessive thinking and intrusive thoughts about the abandonment.

Romantic rejection can lead to fault-finding, belittling of oneself, relationship-sabotage or its counterpart—clinging to a dysfunctional relationship. However, blaming and attacking your own self-worth “only deepens the emotional pain and makes it harder to recover emotionally.”

Because we are social animals and live and thrive in “tribes” feelings of rejection can often lead to isolation and dysfunction. “Social rejection increases anger, anxiety, depression, jealousy and sadness.” People who are routinely rejected or feel excluded can have physical effects as well. They may experience “poorer sleep quality and their immune systems don’t function as well as those people with strong social connections.”

Rejection can have the same effects as physical pain. A study conducted showed that people who experience rejection could take Tylenol (a pain reliever) and feel better. “Studies show that the same areas of the brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. This is why rejections hurts so much (neurologically speaking).”

We can re-live and re-experience social pain more vividly than we can physical pain. If you’ve ever had a broken bone—try reliving that pain. You may be able to remember it but you can’t actually feel it. Now try recalling a time when you felt extremely rejected—those thoughts could re trigger the hurt, anger and pain that you felt.

In some cases rejection can be treated. Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is an extreme emotional sensitivity and emotional pain triggered by the perception – not necessarily the reality – that a person has been rejected, teased, or criticized by important people in their life. RSD may also be triggered by a sense of failure, or falling short – failing to meet either their own high standards or others’ expectations.

So what can you do to fight feelings of rejection?

Look for positive connections—this could come from family, friends, co-workers, church members, sororities or other social groups. “Positive social interactions release opiods for a natural mood boost.” Sometimes it can be very easy to get caught up in wanting to be involved in a certain social circle and when that doesn’t happen it can be very easy to feel rejection and alone. But then, what about the people that we often overlook. Nurture those relationships.
Exercise- (insert eye roll) I know…I know. Is exercise the magical answer to everything? Uhm, possibly.

Exercise helps prevent and improve a number of health problems, including high blood pressure, diabetes and arthritis. Research on depression, anxiety and exercise shows that the psychological and physical benefits of exercise can also help improve mood and reduce anxiety.

References:

Rejection sets off alarms for folks with low self-Esteem.”Association for Psychological Science, www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/rejection-sets-off-alarms-for-folks-with-low-self-esteem.html.

Monitor on Psychology, American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection.aspx.

“How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.”ADDitude, 14 Dec. 2017, www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-how-to-treat-it-alongside-adhd/.

“Rejection - Dictionary Definition.”Vocabulary.com, www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/rejection.

“Rejection sets off alarms for folks with low self-Esteem.”Association for Psychological Science, www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/rejection-sets-off-alarms-for-folks-with-low-self-esteem.html.