What is Depression? Part II- Responses

Responses from last Thursday's Live Instagram Therapeutic Session

Last Thursday's Live Therapeutic Session was epic.  I invite everyone that reads this post to join me on my Openly Broken Instagram page this and every Thursday for a live therapeutic session.  It was such a blessing to me and based on the responses I know that it was a blessing to everyone that participated as well.  I want to personally thank all of those who shared of their knowledge and their pain.  The topic of Depression, Mental Illness and how it effects the African American woman and the African American community is a much needed conversation today.

I would like to share with you some of the amazing responses and comments I received during the last session.  The topic was "What is Depression" and to narrow it down a little we discussed how it looks in the African American woman.  I'm so grateful and thankful to all of the counselors that joined the conversation to give some knowledgeable answers.  Please visit the supporters page to check out the counselors that joined the session.

"We all need someone to be there for us"

@tanya_kylie

I reached out to a lot of women that joined my page, hoping that they would be willing to share, what I definitely know to be some of the most intimate thoughts and feelings ever.  The response was overwhelming.  These ladies really opened up and became vulnerable for the sake of each other.  It was beautiful. 

"Invest in your health"

Ladonna N. Butler

Counselor

As African American women it is sometimes very difficult to find the time and money or the value in investing in our mental health.  For so long I did not even recognize a need for this type of self-care.  It wasn't until I was virtually unrecognizable to myself that I began to see a therapist.  That moment changed my entire life.  I firmly believe that if you are African American you need counseling (period)!  We go through so much, much more than a lot of other races, especially living in America.  Many of our communities are riddled with violence and drugs.  Not to mention the never ending drama we are exposed to and sometimes involved in.  These things along with life's ups and downs and unexpected turns it can be challenging knowing how to navigate through all of that and maintain healthy relationships with ourselves and others.  

"It's so easy to pass our stress to others without realizing it"

@tanya_kylie

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and they were venting to you and then afterwards you recognize that you have this anxious feeling?  Have you ever noticed that you may have been a little "snappy" with the next person you came in contact with?  I've noticed that a lot lately.  I don't think I knew to look for it at first but one day I realized that after I got through talking to someone about a heated situation I ended up arguing with someone very close to me.  I later wondered if I hadn't had that earlier conversation would I have gotten into an argument later.  I honestly don't know but what I've learned to do is this: pray. Whenever I've been exposed to a negative emotion and I realize that it's affecting me, I pray and ask God for peace.  Especially during this time in my life where I find myself vulnerable and exposed it is so important to stay protected.

I believe African American women have a great deal of unspoken pressure on us that further exacerbates feelings of sadness.  There are great expectations posed on us both internally and externally.  

Essence of Life Counseling

"We often lack self awareness...and insight."

Essence of Life Counseling

"Sometimes we don't allow ourselves to feel all of our emotions. #superwomansyndrone"

Ladonna Butler

"We constantly carry that weight on our shoulders and we are ridiculed when we even think about putting it down."

Shaquania Walker

I almost fell out of my seat when I read this comment from my personal spiritual counselor Shaqaunia Walker.  That weight.  What is that weight that we are always carrying?  Is it the weight of being perfect all the time?  Is it that weight of making sure that everyone else's need is taking care of all the time?  Is it that weight of being "super woman"?  This is a topic we will have to dedicate the full hour to one day very soon.  

"But we need to be aware of our kryptonite...lack of self care, microaggressions, unhealthy relationships, etc.."

LaDonna Butler

"Do a self exam every morning and every night.  Set a time to focus on who you are aside from the roles you have."

Essence of Life Counseling

One of the last things we talked about last Thursday was "self-care".  I suggested journaling.  Writing is a big passion for me.  It comes very easy to me so of course I find myself writing during the worse moments of my life.  It is a great release and I also get to go back an examine my personal thoughts.  Journaling also gives you the opportunity to be very honest.  You can write exactly how you feel without the fear of letting anyone else down or feeling guilty.  In my journal I can truly be myself.  I encourage you to try it.  

"Remember Queens need rest too."

LaDonna Butler

"Telling others and ourselves that we're fine is a defense mechanism...It also displays a lack of trust and constant displays of being let down.  We can't/won't open up to anyone.  Especially me."

One of the guest speakers @princess_empowerment stated that, "we don't protect our emotions."  And I had to agree with her.  For so long I did not protect my emotions nor did I attempt to protect my mental state and because of that I allowed so many unhealthy things into my personal space.  When we allow that, it changes us.  She went on to say that, " we suppress our feelings and trauma and (just) keep going."  It's a cycle of brokenness.  And in this cycle you can't "support yourself, your children or your family."

Mental Illness and the African American Man

I am so excited about the feedback I'm recieving from so many men!  They have a lot of interesting thoughts when it comes to mental illness.  They have a lot to say.  Are we ready to listen?

Stay tuned for more details on this upcoming post and discussion.

Candace

What is Depression? An Introduction to how Depression directly relates to African American women

Depression is a mental illness that's very prevalent in the African American community.  Do you know what depression is and what it looks like in our community?  It's more than just having a bad day.  It's more than a sad feeling.  It is a serious illness with major side effects.  

According to psychiatry.org Depression is defined as:

Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act.  Depression causes feeling of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed.  It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease a person's ability to function at work and at home.

There are a few words and phrases that I highlighted in the definition of depression taken from the psychiatry.org website. The first word that jumped out at me was "disorder".  To have a disorder is to be in a state of confusion.  One thing that I noticed while dealing with depression is that a lot of times I would not be able to identify how I was feeling.  I would be okay one minute and then the next minute I would be crying.  One minute I would be okay and then the next minute something would happen and then I would be filled with a feeling or rage. And all of this would be happening and I could not explain to you why.  

Sometimes our mental state can be in so much pain until there is a numbness.  

Have you ever been in a bad accident or experienced a trauma so bad that you couldn't feel anything?  That's an example of what's happening to us mentally sometimes.  Sometimes we experience great traumas in our lives and it is so terrible that we are left numb in our emotions.

According to psychiatry.org depression "negatively affects the way you feel, think, and act."  Because our mental states has so much to do with the way we feel, which changes the way we think and therefore changes the way we act, it is imperative that we take it seriously.  Within the African American community there is hardly any talk of getting help mentally.  We often times will stay on top of regular scheduled check-ups for our physical bodies.  We will also maintain an awesome relationship with God and attend church regularly ensuring that our spiritual self is well, but we often neglect to get check-ups for our mental health.  This is needed just as much, if not more, to ensure that we stay healthy physically and spiritually.  If we are not "okay" or healthy in our minds we cannot stay healthy in our bodies and our spiritual lives.  These things are all connected.  

As African Americans we are often facing great challenges.  Challenges that no other race in America has to face.  As African American women we are often expected to place our self-care on the back burner for the sake of other things and other people-- children, family, friends, spouses, significant others, jobs, achieving success, making money, maintaining our outward appearance--this is not healthy nor is it helping us in the long run. 

According to NAMI.org Depression is defined as:

Depressive disorder, frequently referred to simply as depression, is more than just feeling sad or going through a rough patch.  It's a serious mental health condition that requires understanding and medical care.  Left untreated, depression can be devastating for those who have it and their families.

Now, Nami.org (National Alliance on Mental Illness) states that Depression is "more than just feeling sad".  This is the point I would like to raise using their definition:  There is a huge difference between I'm having a bad day, or I'm just sad today and depression!  Depression changes you!  You are so confused in your emotions on a daily basis that your behavior has drastically changed.  You are not yourself!  You begin to do things that you've never done before.  It's very noticeable if we take the time to really look.  Sometimes friends and family will notice and ask you about it but sometimes because you are so numb you won't recognize it.  You have to really take time to investigate your feelings and unscramble your thoughts.  This is not something you want to do alone.

Think about it, when you break a bone, you don't just go to church.  You don't just pray.  You don't just talk to a friend or go to your mommy.  You go to a professional.  You go to a doctor.  

When we have traumatic experiences we have to go get a check up for our mental wellness.

Nami.org goes on to say that " Depression...left untreated, can be devastating for those who have it and their families. The people around us feel the effects of our mental instability. As African Americans it can be very easy to dismiss this (depression and other mental illness) as something not necessary for life, but I beg to differ.  I state to you that your mental health is just as important as your physical health and your spiritual health. 

 Even our physical health requires check ups and we attend church regularly to ensure that we are in right standing with God.  Our mental health requires regularly scheduled check-ups!  It's mandatory for the African-American. We are not healthy mentally!  We are often the victims of violence, and witness it often within our communities and race. Domestic violence is very prominent in many relationships in the Black community.  

Abuse comes in many forms- physical, verbal, sexual, financial-- and it is also an issue in a lot of our homes.  A lot of African Americans are suffering from PTSD. Our children are suffering tremendously mentally.  They as well should receive regularly scheduled check ups.  Especially if their behavior changes dramatically.  We trust our doctors with their physical bodies, and we should also trust psychiatrist, counselors to ensure that we are healthy mentally.

According to NIMH.org Depression is defined as:

Depression (major depressive disorder or clinical depression) is a common but serious mood disorder.  It causes severe symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and handle daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or working.  

What are mood disorders? 

Mood disorders are a category of illnesses that describe a serious change in mood.  Illness under mood disorders include: major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder (mania-euphoric, hyperactive, over inflated ego, unrealistic optimism), persistent depressive disorder (long lasting low grade depression), cyclothymia (a mild form of bipolar disorder), and SAD (seasonal affective disorder).

Ladies, this is a huge topic for us to discuss.  We are often called "moody."  This is not always due to our menstrual cycle.  Sometimes this can be from a disorder.  And what is a disorder?  A disorder as we've previously discussed, is confusion.  Our moods are confused.  This sometimes causes us to lash out or be extra sad and sensitive.  This is what causes us to cry all the time, or feel tired and uninspired in our lives.  We sometimes go on the "highs" (mania) filled with inspiration and zest and then all of a sudden we experience this sudden drop, its a "low"(euphoric).  During this time we become tired and lazy.  We don't really want to do anything, including the things that we love and normally do.  Some of these things are spending time with family, going out to social events including church.  During these times we often lose jobs, friends, end relationships, switch churches, get behind on bills, drop out of school and just simply give up on commitments made during our mania moments.  And these disorder are very tricky.  Some of theses waves of moods last days, weeks, months and years.  You can go a length of time in a mania stage and then go a different length of time on a low wave.  This is why seeing a therapist or counselor is important.  They can help you find out why you're experiencing the extreme levels of moods.  

Many people may read this article and laugh and say, "it's not that serious" or "I'll just pray" or some may even say, " I have my friends and family as my support system" and to that I say, It is not enough!  It is very serious.  Prayer is great, but it's not enough.  You don't just pray for a broken leg.  You pray and then you go to a doctor for their professional help. The same goes with our mental health.  You are not capable of fixing your own bones when they break.  You rely on a doctor to take x-ray's and interpret the information and then to properly diagnose and treat.  We are going through major life changes and witnessing traumatic events daily and we NEVER get help!   In the African American community there are some of us are walking around on crutches trying to help carry someone else's baggage. As women we are caregivers and its very easy for us to put our emotional needs to the side for our families but we are no help to them when we are unhealthy mentally.  

Some of us have experienced loss in a great way.  Some of us have endured years of mental, emotional and physical abuse.  It is during these times that a counselor or therapist is needed most.  When we are experiencing other major events in our life such as break-ups, fall-outs, financial crisis, any encounter with violence or sexual assault we need to seek help.  Some of our children have been molested for years.  They have no one to talk to that can help them navigate through their emotions, fears, disappointments and everything else that comes with experiencing that kind of pain.   A counselor can help them get through that with as little scarring as possible.  

References:

Mood Disorders. (2015, July 09). Retrieved November 01, 2017, from http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/mood-disorders

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression

“NAMI.”NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness, www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Depression.

"Openly Broken" by Guest Blogger Chiquita Hyche

Openly Broken

written by Chiquita Hyche

This is something that cant be fixed.
I've been beat, battered, and bruised.
Physically, mentally and emotionally.
I'm hurt, I'm torn, I'm a mess.

As I far as life I don’t even know where to start with picking up these broken pieces.
I'm in a place where I cant even feel the pain anymore.
I'm numb to it.

I'm immune to it.
It really ain't no healing for it.
I really thank God above because if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t even be here to feel any of it.
I ask myself often, whats my purpose.
Like really whats my purpose? Outside of family and friends, nobody really loves me..got love for me or wants to love me?
Whats wrong with me?
They just want what was taken from me.

Everybody loves stolen goods.
Its valuable but its stolen so u ain't really gotta work for it.
I mean at this point how could you know your worth.
Its hard forcing a feeling that ain't really there.
I swear I wanna love myself so bad.
But its hard.
How can i?
I'm tired of pretending.
Where do I start.

They say just cry to ease the pain but the tears are just recycled bags of hurt.
I cant get rid of it.
I wake up in night sweats wishing that the dreams I have were nightmares.
Only to wake up to say that it was once as reality.
Even though those realities are no more I still feel them.
I still see them they wont go away.
These scars they wont go away.

I'm asked often am I okay.
Yes is the only answer I have.
I mean I am.
I'm alive right?
What I thought would break me in pieces, held every piece of me I have left together, what I thought would kill me gave me every inspiration to want to live.
After all the hurt after all the pain, after the regrets, after the rejection, after the self hate, after everything that I thought would be a reason to want to leave this earth.
I realized that its okay to live life openly broken..

Chiquita Hyche is a 28-year-old born in Jackson, MS.  She moved to Florida when she was 11 years old.  Since being here she's experienced so much. In those experiences she has learned that writing has helped her get through them.  Chiquita is a nail technician in Jacksonville, Fl.  She is also attending school to become a Pharmacy Technician.  

Openly Broken- "An Exert" Poem

Let Me Be Clear...Why not include all races!!!!

Let me make this absolutely clear! The purpose for this blog is not to exclude other races that deal with depression.  That is NOT my intent.  I specifically dedicate this blog to African American women dealing with depression simply because there is not enough time and energy put towards this issue on any level.

For the most part, I've grown up not really hearing the word depression unless it was on T.V or spoken about in some abstract way.  For me, depression meant sad.  My interpretation of Depression was "having a bad day."  When someone told me they were depressed I expected them to be able to tell me why.  And the "why" was usually, a loved one died, a bad break-up, or something unexpected happened in their life which caused them to be sad for a period of time.

These types of depression that I understood usually lasted up to six months.  I don't think I ever encountered anyone that verbally expressed to me feeling of depression without a reason, and the feeling never lasted greater than six months.

In different scenarios in my life where I've expressed feelings of sadness I was met with a look of suprise.  If there was any concern it was a curious concern.  They needed to know the cause of the feeling so they can offer words or services that would make my feelings change.  Whenever I couldn't express why I woke up sad for no reason I was met with a little confusion.

There always had to be a reason.  It was always fixable.  And when the person saw that there was no easy or simple solution, I was told to pray.  "Rebuke that feeling and send it back to the pit of hell from whence it come."  Honestly, I still very much believe in this power to cast down negative feelings and emotions, but there must be an action performed.  Depression will never just go away on its own.

My relationship with God is without a doubt one of my strongest methods of dealing with depression. But what He has revealed to me is that simply praying for the bad feeling to go away "at that particular moment" is not enough.  I had to dig a little deeper.  I'm still digging.

Even now as I address this need, (because it is a need for African American women to recognize certain things going on in their minds, bodies and spirit) I feel like new ground is breaking.