Exert and my 1st "Openly Broken" Discussion

 

"I am a Black Woman.

I am Strong.

Regal.

Always Confident."

 

These were the first words that I wrote when I thought of myself before.  These words echoed in my mind.  These words represented the ghost of Candace past.  They haunted me because they no longer represented me and I began to question if they ever did.


I remember the first time it was ever suggested to me that I go see "someone".  The someone being a psychiatrist.  I was immediately offended.  I felt like that person had slapped me in the face.  To suggest that me: Candace, needed to see a psychiatrist.  That suggested so much.  That said to me that "I'm crazy" that meant that "something was wrong with me." 


I was in denial about it until I sat down to talk with a lady that same friend suggested I go see.  I detail my encounter with this lady in "Openly Broken" and needless to say I no longer feel the same way I do as I did before.


But the question I pose today is why was it so offensive to me at the time?  Why was it so far fetched in my mind to need help...mentally?  And furthermore, why did needing help create a negative list of words that stained the back of my mouth?


According to "African American Women and Depression" an article written by Nia Hamm:

"Because mental health is a taboo subject in the African-American community, Black people are less likely than other groups to even acknowledge it as a serious problem. 

African American women tend to reference emotions related to depression as “evil” or “acting out.” They cite research providing evidence of communities holding on to long legacies of secrets, lies and shame originating from slavery. 

Avoiding emotions was a survival technique, which has now become a cultural habit for African-Americans and a significant barrier to treatment for depression. As a result, Black women are more likely to deal with the shame many feel about poor mental health and depression in much of the same way by avoiding the emotional toll it takes on them.

Not only do a troubling number of African-Americans not understand depression to be a serious medical condition, but the stereotype of the strong Black woman leads many African-American women to believe that they don’t have the luxury or time to experience depression. Some even believe it is only something White people experience. 

Through the ideal of the strong Black woman, African-American women are subject not only to historically rooted racist and sexist characterizations of Black women as a group but also a matrix of unrealistic interracial expectations that construct Black women as unshakable, unassailable and naturally strong."

This was my first article on African American women and depression and it took me a couple of hours to get through it.  No, not because it was a long study filled with useless data, and undecipherable and dense information.  It was because my eyes blurred from tears.  Every sentence made sense to me.  Every word connected with me and explained apart of me.  I read and re-read this article and I often refer to it when writing to different organizations enlisting their help in the community. 

I do feel strongly that I am not the only woman that feel this way or experience this in a much greater way.  However, I do understand reasons why it may feel like its not okay  to come forward, say something or do something.  The friend I was so offended by I thank today because now I am on the road to re-discovering Candace.

I will definitely discuss this further and in more detail throughout the life of this blog.

Candace