The Strong Black Woman

I used to love Alicia Keys' song, "Superwoman".  There was a part of that song that goes like this:

"...even when I'm a mess

 I still put on a vest

 With an S on my chest

 Oh yes

 I'm a superwoman"

Hearing those words sung in Alicia's down to earth sultry voice made my chest swell and my head rise a little higher.  I agreed with Alicia that even when I'm a mess, I still manage to pull it together smile and make a way.

The problem was, things always seemed to be a mess and I was finding myself being Superwoman more than I got the chance to just be Candace.

Even Superman got the opportunity to just be Clark Kent every once in awhile.  The problem with being a super hero is the lack of appreciation of the great lengths you go to, to make sure that everything and everyone is okay.

The fact is Superman and Superwoman are ficticious characters.  They're not real and they don't exist.  We may feel like superwomen but we are not.

So what is being a Superwoman in the context that Alicia Keys sings about?  What are the qualifications?  The song seems to suggest that even though situations are not so great I can still pull it together some how and be great within myself.  That sounds so good.

But what happens when this becomes expected of you.  African American women have always been identified as strong and we've relished in that fact.  But somewhere along the line this strength became a requirement and expected of us.

I was watching a very popular show the other day called "Empire" the other night and I felt so bad for one of the main characters "Cookie".  Her character is played by Taraji P. Henson, a very good African American actress who is the mother of a few of the main characters on the show.  But one thing I realized about Cookie's character is that she continues to go through so much.  She is often complimented by her sons and sons father about being "strong".

I watched last nights episode and I felt so sorry for her.  Needless to say she had to endure a situation that shouldn't be asked of anyone for the sake of anything.  But of course she was expected to just "grin and bare it" to keep the family together.

I'm hoping to use this blog as a platform to express the serious needs for changes in the way we--African American woman look at ourselves and what we expect from ourselves.  If we don't change the way we treat ourselves and stand up for ourselves and say "this is too much" or "I don't want to put up with this" then we can never expect for our image to change.

It sounds good to hear someone say how strong you are and how great it is that you've persevered through so many challenges in your life, but it just isn't realistic that we can go on carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders.  Nor should we expect our daughters to grow up feeling like they have to bear the past in these present circumstances.

Candace

Be anxious for nothing!

HONEST MOMENT!

I was having a very serious conversation with a lady that has become a very important person in my life.  She's my spiritual counselor.  When I first learned that I was dealing with depression it was a little hard to accept.  Being an African American woman there wasn't much talk on the subject.  I'm actually trying to think about it now when had I ever had a legitimate conversation with another Black woman about Depression.  It seemed like something "other" people dealt with.  Not the women in my circle and definitely not me.

When I decided to move from my home town and get a fresh start I moved in with this lady who I never met.  We'd actually only talked over the phone a few times but I desperately needed help.  She took me and my boys in and counseled me almost daily for the few months that I lived with her.

Well even though I'm much better now occasionally we talk.  Our talks are usually right before I feel like I'm about to have a mini breakdown.  One of our last talks she said something to me that I haven't been able to let go of.

I was telling her how I knew I needed to have a conversation with someone but I'd been putting it off. She immediately stopped me and said that I needed to handle that situation as soon as possible because knowing this was created anxiety within me and giving me feelings of depression.

I honestly couldn't argue with anything she said.  I realized that this basically summed up my whole experience with depression.   I don't know when it became okay and acceptable for me to not be able to express my thoughts and feelings to people.  I don't know when I began to feel like my thoughts and feelings weren't worthy enough to heard.

I wish I could say that I immediately began to make changes.  I did at that time but of course there's always something! One thing I can say is this: I now realize that I am the source of my pain, but I have the power at any time to alleviate it.